Hollywood

Pour One Out for Prince

I was in the middle of celebrating Queen Elizabeth’s 90th birthday, when I received a flurry of text messages with the news that Prince, the 57 year old entertainment icon, has died.

Put on something purple, put on his Greatest Hits, dim the lights and pour yourself a glass of whatever it is you need to handle this loss.

We’ll miss you, you weird little enigma of a man. You were larger than life, and a true artist and original.  Your music was part of the soundtrack to my childhood and for millions of other people your songs are tied to some of our fondest memories.

Nothing compares 2 you…

Bitch Better Have My Money: Exposure Therapy for Prudes

Even though I have a mouth like a sailor and an undiagnosed personality disorder where I don’t recognized social boundaries, I’m surprisingly prudish.

My cousin and my sister make fun of me for being so awkward when it comes to nudity. I’m a never nude. I do the high school gym class change routine where I’ll shimmy out of my clothes without my parts ever seeing the light of day even when I’m alone.

The worst day of my life was when I had to have an ECG done at the hospital and had to lay topless in a room with a nurse for about half an hour while my breasts tried to take cover under my armpits (they’re real).

The nurse tried to calm my nerves, “It’s just us girls. Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

I was mortified.

I don’t even know how to be in the same room as people breastfeeding. Instead of watching the ceiling or inspecting my nails, I just stare straight at the boob and forget to blink.

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Things just get weird for me. Which is why Rihanna’s latest video Bitch Better Have My Money was like exposure therapy. Boobs. Bums. Blunts. Everywhere.

Believe me when I say it’s NSFW. It’s over seven minutes long of girl on girl violence, exposed nipple and bouncing fake boobies.  It’s kind of sweet, because in a way, watching the video you know there’s an eleven year old boy just discovering himself for the first time #milestone.

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I enjoy Rihanna usually after three or four vodka soda’s, when all of a sudden Ke$ha and Justin Timberlake become my favourite musicians of all time. Riri’s not someone I would go out of my way to download, but I enjoy her when I’m a little tipsy and feeling a little badass.

I don’t think this video needs a second viewing by me, probably not until I’ve become more “European” in my view of nudity.

Until then I’ll sit wearing layers and layers of clothing listening to the audio version of the song, sipping skinny bitches and making finger guns at strangers.*

*I’m anti-gun, btw. Just felt I needed to clarify

Movies that changed my life

My friend over at The Finicky Cynic has been issuing a blog challenge for the month of June. Each day, she’s been sharing a writing prompt to help inspire other bloggers to up their content game and get their creative juices flowin’.

There have been so many that have caught my eye, but when she asked for bloggers to share a list of movies that have changed their life, I knew I had to get in on the action.

“Changed” is probably a bit of a stretch, “influenced” is probably the word I would use to describe my picks. These are movies I feel like helped shape my tastes in film and resonated with me at different periods in my life. They’re the kind of movies you own on VHS, DVD and never stream illegally. I care that much for them.

1. The Little Mermaid – 1989

I was two years old when I first saw the Little Mermaid and it’s been one of my favourite movies ever since. This movie single-handedly shaped my romantic tastes in men: Dark hair, blue eyes, animal lover with a shit ton of money. I’m a victim of lusting after any man who resembles this cartoon, sea-faring Prince. This is why I’ll forever have an insatiable desire to lick Jake Gyllenhaal to see if he tastes like salt water and unrealistic expectations of love (I bet he does).

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2. Grease- 1978

The film adaptation of the musical is a timeless tale of summer love between an unlikely couple. My sister and I would put on the soundtrack (on vinyl thank you very much) and recreate scenes and performances with our friends. This movie pushed the envelope and although set in the 1950’s has themes of youthful romance, rebellion and friendship that resonate with audiences. I also attribute this film with molding me into a foul mouthed six year old who sang, “She’s a real pussy-wagon!” at the top of my lungs. For me this film was a gateway drug into the musical genre, opening the door to films like Annie, My Fair Lady, Chicago and The Sound of Music.

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3. Little Women – 1994

Little Women, the adaptation starring Winona Ryder and Susan Sarandon is hands down, one of my favourite films of all time. Hands down. Hands. Down.  I was seven years old when I saw this movie in theatres, and felt a strong connection to Jo March that has grown immensely over time; she’s wild at heart, sensitive, craves adventure but is a little rough around the edges, not really fitting in with what’s expected of women the post Civil War period.  The coming of age story of Little Women is dear to my heart but production wise, cinematographically, musically, this film for me is a visual masterpiece. I have the soundtrack on my iTunes. Seriously.

And young Christian Bale. *Swoon*

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4. Closer – 2004

Another adaptation of a play. This film follows the intertwining relationships between two couples, and doesn’t shy away from touching on the messiness and complexities of romantic/sexual relationships. When I first saw this film I was seventeen, and had never seen a film address raw topics like infidelity and betrayal through Hollywood heavyweights like Julia Roberts and Natalie Portman. It’s hard to judge the characters of this film, because as I’ve gotten older, I’ve seen myself in each of them, each one is flawed, which is incredibly appealing to my now 27 year old self. This movie pushed me towards film and literature that explores these topics and doesn’t necessarily ascribe to the Happily Ever After Hollywood tale that I had previously been attracted to.

If you haven’t seen this film, I highly recommend it. I mean, look at this line:

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Genius.

Who ends a list at 4? I DO!

What movies have changed your life?

Me, Earl and the Dying Girl

A double post about movies is probably not the smartest blogging move, but who really cares about being smart in life, right? #priorities

One of my favourite ways to kill time is to watch movie trailers online. I’ll waste a good hour, hour and a half just checking out trailers for new releases, older films, different versions of trailers for the same film…you get it. I like trailers.

Last year I caught a bunch of feelings when I read and then saw The Fault in Our Stars.

Those damn kids. They never even had a chance!

The ugly cry was so real that day, it’s now a benchmark for all sad movies. If someone said, “I cried when I watched ____” I’ll ask, “TFIOS cry? Green Mile cry? Homeward Bound cry?” Different cries for different films, but TFIOS was a guttural sob, with like, wet shirt collar from all of my tears and shame from crying so hard in public. That’s hard to top.

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The trailer for Me, Earl and the Dying Girl looks like it could come close to capturing the same TFIOS feelings. This film was big on the indie scene at Sundance and will no doubt make a heartthrob of Thomas Mann, the baby faced star who looks like he might have been your best guy friend in high school that you now find to be incredibly hot and sensitive, and kind of want to do under the shirt stuff with.

Just remember I said that when you swoon over him months from now.

Anyways. Mark your calendars, because this movie looks like it’s going to break hearts this summer.

Welcome to Me (and other movie talk)

Happy Monday!

I’ve been waiting all weekend to tell you about the movie Welcome to Me, starring Kristen Wiig and James Marsden. The quirky film about a bipolar/borderline woman who goes off her meds, wins $86 million, and decides to have her own “Oprah-like” talk-show one of the best movies I’ve seen in a long time. Not since the movie Young Adult have I thought a film has accurately captured the mood of our social media/fame/self-obsessed generation (said as I type a post for my blog that serves no purpose but to entertain my friends and hopefully exercise my own neurotic energy).

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Kristen Wiig is a comedic genius (no shit, Libby) but with films like The Skeleton Twins and now Welcome to Me, Wiig’s really proving that her talents extend far beyond her SNL sketch comedy roots.

Spoiler alert: Wiig’s character is on a steady decline towards a psychotic break with her vulnerability and illness causing some cringe-worthy and sometimes familiar moments for anyone who’s lived with or knows someone with mental illness. Welcome to Me raises the ethical question of whether or not television, particularly reality television (which I love, obvi) exploits it’s subjects in the name of entertainment and whether there’s a moral obligation for networks, and audiences for that matter, to recognize when TV shows go too far (Bachelor crazies, Real Housewives arrests/rehabs, I’m talking to y’all).

I could go on and on about this movie, and I think somewhere here there’s a great thesis topic here, but I’ll digress because it’s too early and well, Monday.

In other movie talk!

I finally saw the movie Interstellar. By now everyone and their mother has probably seen this movie, but I’m late to the game (as always).
Anyone who knows me knows there are three things I despise learning about/paying attention to
1. Volcanoes
2. Dinosaurs
3. Space
If I hear any buzz words associated with any of these topics like, “lava” “Jurassic Park” or “Galaxy” my brain just shuts off.
This was a real detriment to me in school, because I would go into a catatonic state whenever we had to learn about these subjects.
The only reason I know all the planets in our solar system is because of Sailor Moon, and that’s the god’s honest truth.
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I watched Interstellar on the plane ride home from London and I actually enjoyed it! It’s typical Nolan and sort of trippy and beyond belief, but thumbs up to anyone who can convince me that Matthew McConaughey could be an astronaut!
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 What movies are you loving? Give me your recommendations!

Get it Gurl! Moment of the Day

If you’re hovering around your late twenties like me, you remember Herbal Essences commercials from the good old days.

You know the ones where a frazzled, dirty, or tired looking woman stops by a gas station or her office, and randomly decides to shampoo her hair with Herbal Essences Shampoo, has a screaming orgasm, and then wham bam thank you Ma’am, all of a sudden she has a supermodel moment with perfectly bouncy, sexy hair.

That’s what these photos of Jennifer Garner in New York remind me of.

Jennifer Garner waves while having windswept hair as she leaves her hotel, heading to 'The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon' in New York CityJennifer Garner leaving her hotel in a black and white dress today in NYC

What is this sorcery?

Does she control the wind?

(more…)

Golden Globes – Best & Worst Dressed

I’m a simple girl.

I have simple tastes.

Most of my meals involve ketchup and I buy lots of Covergirl products.

But I feel as though it’s my responsibility as a woman with two working eyes to judge those who dare put their profession and personal life in the spotlight.

So let’s get this bitch movin’

WORST Dressed:

Girl, you tried it. You’re too old for this look J.Lo and you know it. There’s going to be a lot of people on Instagram saying her look was flawless, but I’m here to tell you otherwise. Her look had one flaw: It was desperate.

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Honorable mention for worst dressed:

Lana Del Ray.

You look like you need a can of Red Bull, a time machine and a shower. Try again.

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BEST DRESSED!

I don’t pray often, but when I do it’s either me hoping that I get my period or that I can age flawlessly. Last night I said a little prayer to Oprah and asked her to tell me Julianne Moore’s aging secrets, because this woman is the definition of beauty.

She showed up to win.

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Honorable mentions:

Emma Stone and her pantsuit.I like the fact that if there was a fire, she could sprint out of there or you know, get drunk and do a cartwheel. I salute you, Emma.

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Just sayin’ : Golden Globes edition

You know how there are those people in Hollywood that don’t really work anymore, or don’t really make anything GOOD anymore, but are always invited to awards shows because they’re beautiful and know how to serve face?

Yeah.

That’s what’s happening here at the Golden Globes.

J.Lo

Oh, god where do I begin. We had a big fallout this year over her trying to make it as a writer, but I still want to know all her anti-aging secrets. Still, JLO has to change up her look. It’s not cool to always look like a Latina Barbarella . You’re in your mid-forties, we get it. I love porn hair as much as the next girl all, but right now all you’re saying with this look is, “I’m single.”

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Kate Hudson

Yeah, I hate on Kate Hudson. Deal with it. I feel like I have good reason. Name something Kate Hudson’s done in the past year, film wise? Past two years? Past three years? That’s what I thought. Thanks for showing up, Kate. I wonder if people still refer to you as the star from “Almost Famous?” I hope you meet a new boyfriend. Stay away from Jake Gyllenhaal …

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Amal Clooney

So… I get that she’s Clooney’s wife and automatic Hollywood royalty…but she has a real job so she’s technically above all this Silver screen bullshit, but she should have listened to someone when they said, “Maybe we nix the gloves.” Everything else would have been perfect. PERFECT. She’s not a starlet, so she doesn’t need to serve the sex, but she’s got that senator’s wife hair down pat.

I expected more from you. I’m not mad, just disappointed.

george-clooney-wife-amal-golden-globes-2015-03Images from the master of all things Hollywood: Just Jared

Girl talk & tea : Let’s distract ourselves

I was going to do a Friday countdown, but then I decided “No, let’s just talk about girl things without structure.”

I feel good about this decision.

Ok, first of all.  I have to say, that the 16 year old in me is freaking out about Benji Madden & Cameron Diaz being engaged. Not only because I intensely dislike when people of mismatched heights hook up/date/marry/stand next to one another, but because it’s Benji Madden. Good f*cking Charlotte!

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Blah blah blah be happy for people in love yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. I don’t need to pretend here. This pairing makes no sense for 2014. 2003? Yes. 2014?  No. Ugh. What am I saying. I love when mismatchers get together. I love when people don’t understand love. I don’t get it, but I love that I don’t get it.

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Did you hear Selena Gomez lost her shit at T-Swift’s 25th birthday? I love it. I imagine she was drinking.

You’ve been this girl. I’ve been this girl. We’ve all been this girl. Sometimes I’m STILL this girl. *ahem* last Christmas. You’re out, celebrating with your friends, you get on your phone, see something on social media, have a little too much white wine and all of a sudden you’re crying in a bathroom. It happens. Shrug it off. You’re a young millionaire. You probably don’t have any STI’s yet, GO NUTS.

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What else…what else….

Britney’s Women’s Health Magazine!

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To be honest, I’m just glad it looks like Britney showered…on her own…without a nurse present. She looks the best I’ve seen her in years. That nose contouring? Flawless. I’m always envious because I feel like at certain times my nose looks like a penis, so I’m a huge fan of this look. (PS, If you’re ever bored and want to feel good about yourself, search #makeuptransformation or #beforeandafter on Instagram).

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I don’t want to talk shit about Brit, just because she’s a childhood staple, but I’m happy she’s looking coherent, lucid and healthy. Those hip tats, though. A reminder to us all that the tattoos we choose in our youth….are something we need to live with until we can afford to have them removed.

I used to go to the video store, rent Britney Spears concert DVD’s and do crunches in front of the television. Then things kind of went South for BritBrit and the whole time I kept thinking, “We will overcome! We will prevail!” and it’s taken…seven years but we finally did it! She’s back!

 

 

Would you live here?

The Brentwood, California home that used to belong to Marilyn Monroe is for sale. Monroe was found dead in this home the age of 36 of an apparent suicide ( I have to say it because you know, CIA conspiracies and all that jazz).

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Question:

Would you live in this home knowing it was the scene of Marilyn Monroe’s death?

Would you buy a home knowing someone,anyone (famous or not) had died there?

Personally, I love the look and feel of this home and if I had the money would snatch it up because it’s beautiful. Even though I love Marilyn Monroe’s movies, I’d give the house a good old sage cleansing before I unpack my boxes.

I would give any home I live in a sage cleansing. If I could I would give people a sage cleansing.

Click here for more photos of the listing

Marilyn thanks you for your time 

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