Friday Five! Baby Spurgeon, Bieber and more!

Happy Friday the 13th!

I’m looking forward to the weekend and some QT in Pajamaville a suburb of Couch City.

This week has been a little busy for me since I’ve been pet-sitting for a few different people. If you didn’t know, Pet/House Sitting is practically a second job for me. I’m convinced it’s because people one, know I’m 28 and still live at home with my mom and two, know nothing in the world makes me happier than spending time with animals.

So. That’s me this week.

Here are 5 things that happened this week that we should discuss!

1 . Jennifer Lawrence in Vogue

I’m convinced J-Law and I would be friends, but begin as the friends who meet and hate each other. Don’t you have those friends? One of my best friends, Krissy and I started that way. She thought I was a bitch, I thought she was a bitch who made great cupcakes. Now we speak every single day for hours on the phone because I’m a needy friend and can’t make my hour and a half commute home with just Adele or Carrie Underwood to keep me company.

J-Law’s interview has some great one-liners. Here’s an excerpt from the interview,

Glasses of wine in hand, we head upstairs, and when we walk into the enormous master suite she makes a sweeping gesture toward the bed and says, “This is where the maaagic haaaappens.” Then she shoots me a get-real look. “Literally zero magic has happened in here.” She holds up her glass in a toast: “Cheers to my hymen growing back!”

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She seems down to Earth and sassy. The photos for the shoot have a desert, road-stop, cowgirl feel which I’m loving. You should check it out!

2. Spurgeon Elliot Seawald

No, that’s not something on the menu at Red Lobster, that’s a baby’s name. Specifically, that’s the name of Jessa Duggar, now Seewald’s first child.

I feel like CPS should be called because this is obviously a sign that these people already hate their child.

What the actual fuck are you smoking.

I just imagine the conversation being like, “How about Elliot? Elliot’s get beat up. How about ‘Spurgeon,’ nobody fucks with a ‘Spurgeon!”

Apparently the baby was named after Charles Spurgeon, a pastor both Ben and Jessa admire.

Which is cool, make a tribute to whomever you want (except Hitler), but WHAT’S WRONG WITH CHARLES?

Is it the Manson imagery?

Whatever.

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3. Master of None

I binge watched the new Aziz Ansari Netflix series last weekend. It’s funny and insightful. Not – laugh out loud, pee your pants and rewind funny – but funny as in, “life is hilarious, isn’t it?”

I’ve been telling all of my friends to check it out. So, you should too!

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4. Justin Bieber Week on Ellen

 Listen, we all know how I feel like Justin is my step-brother who I might harbor inappropriate feelings for, but I have to say, I get why people think he’s an asshole. An asshole that gives me Saved By the Bell Zack Morris tingles and catchy pop tunes.

This video gave me a good giggle. Maybe it’ll change your mind about the Biebs?

5. Katy Perry Being Katy Perry

Ugh. I love KP.

I have no real excuse for this addition but I just feel like her look is maturing and is less Bubblegum schizophrenic.

I need new Katy music, now!

NOW!

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What are you loving this weekend? Let’s discuss!

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Friday Five – Thanksgiving, American Horror Story, Gigi Hadid and more!

Happy Friday!

It was a short work week here in Canada due to last weekend being Thanksgiving!

I hope you Canuck’s got a chance to eat some yummy food, be with your loved ones and watch the Blue Jays kick serious baseball ass! Woo! One step closer to the World Series!

I’m not a huge sports fan but I’m a huge fan of athletes…amirite ladies?

Here’s what I’m loving about this week…

Thanksgiving!

We’ve had some health issues in our family recently (luckily my Grandpa’s on the mend), so this Thanksgiving there was no concrete plan for holiday dinners. I was lucky enough to be invited to Marie’s parent’s house for dinner, who have always made me feel like I’m one of their own.

Marie’s Mom is an AMAZING cook. I always leave with a full belly and full heart, with her cooking reminding me of my Nani’s classic Italian recipes. Everything is full fat, butter and fried…it’s delicious!

American Horror Story: Hotel

Ok. So here’s where you’re going to think I’m a bit of a blasphemer. When I was a Religious Studies major in University without any spiritual ties, I decided to create my own personal Holy Trinity for shits and giggles. I’m half joking, half serious when I say, that my personal equivalent of the Holy Spirit is Lady Gaga – a colourful, ever changing, powerful life force …with fabulous wigs.

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I’m now watching AHS: Hotel starring Gaga and although I’m not sold on this season, I am pleasantly surprised by Gaga’s acting chops. GIRL can sell being a vampire like it’s nobody’s business. Which…yes, is in direct opposition to the lightness that is everything heavenly, but still. It’s my theology and I’m sticking with my choice!

Are you watching American Horror Story?

It’s perfectly timed for Halloween. Check it out so we can chat!

Gigi Hadid in Elle Canada

I was in at the salon getting my roots colored, because I’m white already at 28, when I picked up the latest issue of Elle Canada with supermodel of the moment, Gigi Hadid, on the cover.

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While my opinions on Ms. Hadid were that she was just a pretty face with rich parents and a  famous boyfriend. I must confess I was thoroughly impressed by her interview with the mag. Hadid is a PR superstar, knowing the value of building relationships with industry professionals and fans alike. It’s rare that you see a celebrity, a young celebrity at that, be a consummate professional.

If you’re looking for some brain and eye candy, check out the article here!

Carrie Underwood – Heartbeat

I’m always pushing Country music. Sorry, not sorry, y’all!

The second single from Underwood’s soon to be released album, Storyteller, features Sam Hunt’s vocals on the chorus.

Yup. That Sam Hunt. The one that makes my loins burst into flames like a head full of hairspray near an open flame.

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The song is a typical country tune, about nights under the stars and slow dancing near a river, but it’s one you definitely need to check out!

Take a listen!

and finally…..

Angelina Jolie for Vogue

Remember that personal Holy Trinity I mentioned earlier? Here’s my walking, talking, raven haired, Jesus.

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I adore Angelina Jolie for so many reasons besides her blessed bone structure. Jolie is open about her personal life, but not for the sake of entertainment. She shares her vulnerability to connect with others and uses her fame to bring attention to her humanitarian efforts. Hollywood’s most glamorous A-Lister is spends her time with the poorest of the poor, and she does it with grace.

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Personally, I admire Jolie because she transitioned from this wild child to a humanitarian and mother. For me this has always been admirable because it reminds me that we are not our past, and we can become whatever or whoever it is we want to be!

Check out Angelina on the latest cover of Vogue, with photos featuring the entire Jolie-Pitt clan here!

I totally clicked those NSFW photos of Justin Bieber…

Ok, I’ll first start by saying it’s an invasion of privacy for celebrities to be photographed by paparazzi. That being said…

I totally looked at the full frontal photos of Justin Bieber while he was on holiday in Bora Bora.

Guilty!

Curiosity got the better of me. I’m not really a Justin fan, but since I’m also an Ontario native, I’ve always felt some kind of older, step- sisterly affection for him. (I said step to make it less weird that I saw his peeno).

It was a moment.

I’m not going to lie to you.

First of all, those pics must have been taken from space or something.

I was like…

But really I was thinking…

Thankfully, the good people of the internet zoomed in.

I had to assess the situation.

I mean…

We’ve all been through this. Sometimes your surprise is no bueno. Things get heated, you’ve had some wine, people are taking off articles of clothing. All of a sudden it’s like Christmas and you’re thinking, “What did I get? What’d I get?”

And then… well.

You know the rest.

But NOT TODAY, ladies and gentlemen!

I know, I’m gross.

We’ve probably seen bigger, we’ve definitely seen smaller. I think the general consensus is “Good for you, Justin.” At least we all know how, despite the endless criticism from the media, Justin remains so confident, right?

I won’t link to the pictures because even though I snuck a peek, I don’t REALLY approve of this invasion of his privacy.

Apparently Justin’s really upset. . I would be upset, too if someone took photos of me nakey. Probably because I’d be like, “Let me pose! I wasn’t ready! I just ate dinner!” But, oh well. Compared to his legal trouble of yesteryear, I’d say this registers as a minor freak out.

This will all blow over. It’ll probably sell more records too, so. Relax, Justin.

You look fine.

Friday Five: Welcome to Fall!

I think this might be the first time (in a long time) that I’m actually excited for the holidays. Not Christmas, you freaks. Thanksgiving and Halloween!

It’s too soon to be thinking about Halloween. It shows incredible disrespect for Autumn and all it has to offer. There’s such a small window of time where the leaves are red and yellow and beautiful before they fall to the ground. Savor it! Give it it’s moment! On December 1st you are more than welcome to throw up your Christmas tree and tinsel n’ shit, but until then SHOW SOME RESPECT.

I’m excited for Halloween this year because my nieces are a little bit older and at the age where costumes are EVERYTHING. Kudos to my sisters for not telling the girls what they’re being for Halloween until closer to the 31st. Your valiant attempt to maintain calm in the household is admirable.

This year I don’t have any Halloween party plans, so I won’t be dressing up. However, my cousin and I have signed up for a ghost tour on Halloween night. We’re morbid that way. We also love cemeteries, empaths, mediums, postmortem photography and child ghosts.

It’s going to be amazing.

Here are five things to get you feelin’ festive and ready for fall!

1.  Bath and Body Works Candles

I can’t bake to save my life, and I don’t like pumpkin spice lattes. To get my fix of fall, I like to buy scented candles from Bath and Body works.

Apple Pumpkin Pancake!

Sweater Weather!

Salted Caramel!

Yummy. And no baking required.

Pumpkin Pie! $22.50 for 3 wick candle, or 2 for $24

Click here to check out more scents!

2. Post Mortem Photography

I touched on this earlier, this is something my cousin and I both find eerily fascinating. During the Victorian-era it was common for photographers to take portraits of the dead and give to grieving families as keepsakes. Creepy, right?

If you’re brave enough to take a look at some post-mortem portraits, click here.

3. Ghost Stories!

I love a good podcast. I also like to be scared shitless by ghost stories. A Ghost Story podcast? Perfect.

If you’re looking to freak yourself out and hear true tales of hauntings, go to Podbay.fm to listen to Real Ghost Stories Online, a podcast dedicated to true spooky stories.

4. Hocus Pocus!

Tell that virgin to light the black flame candle! It’s officially Hocus Pocus viewing season.  I’m slightly obsessed with this movie, and watch it every year before Halloween. Every. Single. Year.

Oh, the Nostalgia!

Every year there’s rumors of a Hocus Pocus remake or sequel, but I personally hope this never happens. You don’t mess with perfection.

5. Something for the poets…

Have you ever been rendered speechless by the beautiful fall foliage?

These people haven’t. Here are some gems from famous writers about our favourite time of year.

“Autumn is a second spring, when every leaf is a flower.”

– Albert Camus

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”

– Lucy Maude Montgomery

“No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.”

– John Donne

“Autumn…the year’s last, loveliest smile.”

– William Cullen Bryant

Go and enjoy the loveliness before the snow falls!

See you on Monday 🙂

xoxo

Surprise! I’m a Mommy

Actually I’m a Godmother. It’s basically the same thing. Except I get to sleep at night and get to swoop in for unlimited cuddles whenever I feel like it  (which is all the time).

A few months ago, my best friend/sister/soul-mate Marie and her husband, Nathan, asked me to be the godmother to their daughter, Evie. I was overcome with emotion and went into the ugliest cry of happy tears.

Last Sunday we celebrated Evie’s baptism and our bond was made official!  I love my nieces tremendously and becoming an aunt (3 times!) changed my life in the best way possible. Being asked to be someone’s godmother takes everything to the next level.

    I THINK this means, that if something were to happen to Marie and Nathan, I would (obviously) become legal guardians of their daughters. Thus, setting myself up for the plot of the best romantic comedy of all time. I’m already living the first half of a romantic comedy: Single career woman resigns herself to life alone with bottles of wine and cats, when all of a sudden she becomes a single “mom” of two.

Friday Five: Bachelorette Parties, Taylor Swift and More!

I say it every week but…. TGIF!

We made it!

I’m so glad it’s the weekend. I’ve been extremely tired this week. So tired that as I was doing my make-up yesterday morning, I couldn’t figure out why the cap to my concealer wouldn’t fit back on. It took several tries before I finally realized my error.

I had a good, maniacal, sleep deprived laugh at myself.

Why am I so tired?

Funny you should ask. I’ve been on the GO lately. I spent almost all of August housesitting for family and friends. This past weekend, I went all out to host a Bachelorette Party for one of my best friends.

*Warning, if you’re under the age of 18 please be advised that you’ll see some phallic images after the cut. I’m not your Mom, so I don’t care what you see. Just giving you a heads up. Pun intended.

Friday Five: Jennifer Aniston gets hitched and more!

Happy Friday!

Thanks to a civic holiday, this week has flown by. I’m looking forward to laying out in the sun and hopefully evening out this ridiculous sunburn. My face is peeling, making me look like a meth addict, but it’s worth it for that “sun-kissed glow” right?

Here’s what I’ve been talkin’ bout this week!

Jennifer Aniston finally ties the knot!

Ok. I may be against popular opinion here, but I find Jen to be sweet, but a little boring. Just a smidge. She would be the perfect person to hang with if I ever wanted to say, shop for bikinis, chain smoke and do yoga. That being said, I’m ridiculously happy that Jennifer finally wed super-babe Justin Theroux! You know what this means? NOW WE GET TO LOOK FORWARD TO TABLOIDS SAYING THEY’RE DIVORCING BECAUSE SHES PREGNANT WITH TRIPLETS!

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It’s the nature of the beast.

I’m hoping there are pictures from the wedding. Give me something. Donate the money to charity. I don’t care – just GIVE me some exclusive shots. I’m picturing Jen in a very form fitted, sexy, gown. No veil. Maybe not even in white.

How much do you want to bet she wore her hair down?

Gwen and Gavin Call it Quits

DEVESTATED. Ok. Not really. I think I’m just numb to celebrity break-ups these days. After Blake and Miranda, nothing can shock me. Nothing. Gwen and Gavin were the 90s power couple. The functioning answer to Kurt and Courtney. Sure, both of their careers have kind of teetered off, but still. They were an iconic pairing for their time. IT’S THE END OF AN ERA!

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Ben Affleck and the Nanny

Really, Ben? Really?

First you cheat on JLO with a stripper, now you have an affair with the Nanny? Do you just love clichés or something? What’s next, are you going to cheat with your secretary?

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Maybe it’s not really Ben’s fault. I mean, have you seen the Nanny? We’re all thinking it, but I’ll say it. If I had to hire a nanny for my children, it would be someone who is over the age of 55, dry as the Sahara down there, probably someone who speaks English as a second language, and most importantly I WOULD NEVER HIRE A NANNY.

Geez. What is this Downton Abbey? Am I that busy that I can’t take care of my own progeny? Was my mom busy? NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

Napes.

Shout out to all you nannies out there though, I hope you insert yourself into a Hollywood scandal and get the compensation you deserve.

Nicole Kidman ages better than you

I’ve always loved Nicole Kidman. Always. Ever since Far and Away. She’s charming – there’s a certain quiet humour about her. When her face isn’t injected with fillers and botox (or once it settles) she’s still a stunner!

Look at this cover from Australia Vogue – #BeautyGoals

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Whine About It

If you haven’t seen Matt Bellassai from Buzzfeed’s weekly video where he drunkenly complains about things, you’re missing out! The idea is so simple, but so amazing. Comedy gold!

What are you loving/talking about/hating/complaining about this week?

Let me know!

Enjoy your weekend!

Friday Five: Channing Tatum, Kim Kardashian and more!

I get really excited for Fridays. It’s my new Christmas Eve because I’ve got the same childlike anxiousness and I’m annoyingly happy, but there’s no family dysfunction and crying alone in the bathroom. This week I was blessed with a stat holiday to celebrate Canada day, so I feel spoiled that tomorrow’s already another day off!

Spoiled…but not as spoiled as America. Seriously, you guys have it so great.* A three day weekend with all the pomp and circumstance once could ask for? AND HOTDOGS? Amazing.

This week’s Friday Five is pop culture driven (as is my life) so let me share with you what I’m loving this week…

1. Channing Tatum

I’m not someone who’s usually influenced by dreams. Every once and a while I’ll have a really weird dream and wake up really confused, but I don’t put much stock into them. HOWEVER, I am easily influenced by dreams when they’re about people, case in point: Channing Tatum.

He’s shirtless, holding a cat and eating pizza… the holy trinity of hotness in my books.

Prior to July 1st I was not a Channing Tatum fan. I got the appeal, but I just wasn’t registering any attraction below my belly button. Then Tuesday night I have a dream that Channing and I are grocery shopping (so many of my dream dates take place in the grocery store, probably because I go to bed hungry) and then BAM! I wake up wanting to binge watch all of his movies. I’m not at all ashamed to say I watched The Vow on Canada Day…twice.

This weekend Magic Mike XL opens in theatres. Would it be weird if I went alone, so long as I kept my hands visible at all times?

2. Kim Kardashian on the cover of Rolling Stone

The beauty of Kim Kardashian is that she fails to take every opportunity to present herself as a feminist icon. She’s an exhibitionist, unapologetic about her body or her decisions to flaunt her assets, but when it comes to actually SAYING something relative to feminist issues or frankly, ANY issue, she’s a swing and a miss.

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Kim says in the new issue of Rolling Stone :

“I’ve never really been one on labels, and I don’t like to push my view,” Kardashian says. “If I feel something, it’s how I feel. I never say, ‘I feel this way, so you should feel that way.’ Not that there’s anything wrong with it, but I just am who I am. But, yeah.” She smiles. “I think you would call me a feminist.”

Kimmy.

Help me, help you. Help me get people to like you. Help me, get people to take you seriously. Help me get people to stop looking at your boobs and bum.

I love this about Kim Kardashian (which is why she’s on my Friday Five list). For all the media training and the interview prep and the glitz and glam, she’s just kind of… out to lunch. Out to lunch with perfect make-up and hair.

3. Friday Night Lights

I totally missed the opportunity to jump on the FNL bandwagon back in 2006. I avoided teen television at all costs back then. I was never an OC girl, but I did dabble in a little One Tree Hill for a while.

Thanks to Netflix and the fact that I have absolutely way too much time on my hands, I have the chance to fall in love with Tim Riggins and essentially pretend to redo my early twenties! WOO!

I’m only on episode 9 of the first season but I’ve already got it bad for the broody delinquent Riggins. That hair, amirite?

4. Amy Schumer

This Buzzfeed list of the 20 Times Amy Schumer Completely Understood You is perfection. I love her brash, unfiltered style.

5. Happy Birthday, Tom Cruise

Last year I went on a Twitter campaign to become Tom Cruise’s new wife. By campaign,  I mean I tweeted him daily and had zero response. I guess he didn’t like how openly I was willing to sacrifice my personal freedom and ideologies for a chance to walk red carpets and wear nice clothes. Given his track record one would think that would be exactly the type of thing he would be looking for in a woman, but oh well.

I still love Tom, despite his ass-backwards beliefs. Maybe I think we could work  because I zone out whenever someone talks about space Whatever. Nobody said celebrities had to be smart, right?

Happy 53rd birthday, Tom. You sold your soul to a space devil and remain perpetually young and in my heart forever!

*Aside from health insurance, gun control laws, reproductive rights, the rest of the world thinking poorly of you (not me though), tuition costs, poverty and unemployment rates, national debt… ugh. should I continue?

Friday Five – Ed Sheeran, Zara & More!

The end of another week!

This weekend will be jam-packed, I’m bracing myself for the chaos. Between weddings, bridal showers and birthdays…*sigh*, it’s going to be crazy.

1. I’ve been scrambling trying to figure out what to wear to all of these events. A few years ago, it was rare that I was invited to a wedding. For the past two years, I’ve been to approximately 15 weddings…with five more this summer! It can be incredibly expensive, but I don’t always want to repeat dresses (although I totally do, thanks Kate Middleton for making that cool).

I came across this site, Chicwish, which has some pretty adorable/wedding appropriate dresses that won’t break the bank!

This is one I’ve got my eye on for a backyard wedding later this summer. I love that it’s romantic, floral and can either be dressed up or down. Click here to learn more about the Lullaby Maxi.

Lullaby Maxi – Chicwish

2. This week Zara began it’s annual summer sale. Since I’m pretty stocked up on my summer basics, I decided to treat my niece Evie to some new summer threads.

How cute is this jumpsuit? I don’t even care that Evie’s parents are going to have to completely undress her to change her diaper. When an outfit is this cute, it’s worth the hassle!

Watermelon jumpsuit, Zara

3. Carli Bybel

Alright. This is a big one. This girl is basically the Queen of the YouTube beauty world. Her make-up tutorials get hundreds of thousands of hits and she’s got over 3 million followers on Instagram between her make-up and fashion accounts. If I didn’t love this girl…I would hate her because she’s so beautiful. Like, stunningly, disgustingly beautiful.

If you want to learn how to perfect your make-up technique I suggest you check her out her YouTube page!

4. Ed Sheeran

Oh Mama Mia.

My loins are on fire from this Ginger Bear. My number one celebrity crush is Ed Sheeran.

*fanning myself*

Boy knows how to write a love song, likes to drink, and looks like a good time. What more can you want?

I’ve had Photograph on repeat for weeks, and his music video made me cry. Actually. There were tears.

5.  Power of Make-Up

I JUST came across this video this morning and I think it’s pretty powerful – considering I just told you to check out a beauty vlogger! Play! Let’s all play! Note to self, I need to learn to contour. I think it will save me a lot of money on therapy and nose jobs.

Friday Five!

Happy Friday!

I hope you all have spectacular plans for this weekend. I look forward to reading about them on Monday (the dreaded day).

Here are five random things I’m loving this week. I’m warning you – most are pop culture related and have no actual relevance in the world.

Ok let’s go!

1. Selena Gomez’s ill-fitting bikini

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This bikini is horrible, but Selena’s such a pretty girl, she doesn’t give a fuck. I saw these pictures and immediately thought that Selena, in Mexico on vacation, wanted to go swimming randomly and her friend, who’s probably like, 4 inches shorter and a size smaller was like, “Hey borrow my swimsuit, we’re totally the same size.”

You’ve been there. We’ve all been there. A friend randomly wants to go swimming or in a hot tub and you’re totally unprepared and your friend insists she has a suit for you that will fit, The next thing you know you’re reaching for a towel and your boob pops out in front of everyone.

It happens.

2. Kim Richards arrested for Public Intoxication

There are probably people thinking, “Who was arrested for what?”

Shut up, you guys. This is for people without lives and who love The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and every Real Housewives in North America!

Home girl was arrested for making a scene in a polo lounge. First of all, that’s a pretty classy place to make a scene, so kudos to her for doing it right. It would have been worse had she been at an IHOP or something. So even though, this sucks, she still has more money than me.

Everyone who knows Kim from the RHOBH, knows the star has some addiction issues. This isn’t necessarily my “fave” thing of the week, but I just needed to talk about it, because I have a lot of feelings, zero friends at work, and nothing better to do.

3. Kylie Jenner’s new face on the new Teen Vogue

The littlest Jenner is on the new cover of Teen Vogue which I’m sure was not at all due to Kris Jenner calling in some favors to get the forgotten child some legitimate work.

I can’t hate on this cover. She looks good. And she’s fully clothed. Two things that don’t happen that often in the Kardashian/Jenner world.  Whatever she’s done to her face, I want done to mine. I think money happened. That’s what happens to all rich people. Money = new face.

I’m not sure what’s in store for Kylie but I have a feeling it includes a lot of legal fees.

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4. Time Magazine doesn’t want anyone to sleep with Bradley Cooper, ever.

Just look at this picture.

BCoops is a babe, but this picture reminds me that he is in fact, a 40 year old babe. Although still attractive, I feel like his knees crack when he stands up.

I thought this was a picture of Jason Bateman on a bad day. If Coops is single for a while, he can blame this photo.

5.  Gisele Quits the Runway

Bye, Felicia

Thanks for giving me unattainable hair goals. See you in print and on TV which you will no doubt try to conquer.

Sometimes I just get mad at beautiful people.  I get mad at Gisele a lot. I get mad at Tom Brady and Gisele a lot.

Oh well.

Thanks for the insecurities!