entertainment

Pour One Out for Prince

I was in the middle of celebrating Queen Elizabeth’s 90th birthday, when I received a flurry of text messages with the news that Prince, the 57 year old entertainment icon, has died.

Put on something purple, put on his Greatest Hits, dim the lights and pour yourself a glass of whatever it is you need to handle this loss.

We’ll miss you, you weird little enigma of a man. You were larger than life, and a true artist and original.  Your music was part of the soundtrack to my childhood and for millions of other people your songs are tied to some of our fondest memories.

Nothing compares 2 you…

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The Bachelor: Boring people stay boring, Jojo FTW

The season finale of the Bachelor aired this week on ABC, with Bachelor Ben Higgins proposing to flight attendant, Lauren Bushnell.

Ok. I’ve had a few people ask me how I feel about the results and even though IDGAF, I think Ben made the right choice for his vanilla-christian lite lifestyle. Ben is a babe, don’t get me wrong, but we rarely got to see him make a joke, take off his shirt or do anything without crying. Lauren is beautiful, there’s no doubt about that- she has the Aryan teenage dream, size 2, zero cellulite thing going on. The two had an undeniable missionary position chemistry that Bachelor fans love. I find them boring. I already don’t care about their relationship.

Personally, I was a fan of Jojo, the 24-year old super tanned Isla Fisher doppelganger sporting ombre locks and a Cartier love bracelet (Oh yes, I noticed). Jojo is hot, and I’m going out on a limb here and saying her boobs are fake, but I’m not judging – I’m envying that she has enough money for the love bracelet and the tit job. The thing about Jojo is that she was TOO much for Ben; too sexy, too sweet. With Jojo as the new Bachelorette, I want to see her with a former-athlete type who, I don’t know, rescues dogs and thinks he writes good poetry. Something like that.

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Joelle “Jojo” Fletcher – Source 

The season was, arguably, one of the best in Bachelor franchise history, with several stand out contestants. We had Lace, the Pinot Grigio enthusiast with entitlement issues, who many people thought was the front-runner as the season’s resident villain. In a moment of clarity and self-awareness, Lace excused herself from the Bachelor, saying she needed to work on herself before she could find love. Lil Lace proved to be the smartest one of the bunch when she realized competing with 25 women for the attention of one man is f*cked up and unhealthy.

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Then there was Jubilee, the Haitian born sergeant in the US Army, who ruffled feathers with the other contestants by being “awkward” and the self proclaimed “full black” contestant. Jubilee’s presence reintroduced the topic of diversity on the show, and many were hoping Jubilee would become the first black Bachelorette. Jubes was also the victim of some serious girl shit, with several nameless, irrelevant contestants hounding Jubilee for not being a cookie-cutter fake-ass bitch.

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Bullying was taken to the NEXT level with Olivia, the slightly delusional Cameron Diaz clone who made enemies right away by receiving the First Impression Rose. Olivia…liked to embellish her connection with Ben. Maybe romanticize the situation a little, and got carried away with her pop culture Teen Mom references. However entertaining her behaviour was for viewers at home, Olivia quickly became the target of internet trolls, and was cut up by all of her fellow cast mates on the Women Tell All for having bad breath and cankles.

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Not cool.

I talk a lot of shit on this blog, mostly in jest, but I seriously dislike when people are ganged up on by their peers. I side with the under-dog at all times. Olivia and Jubes- I got chu.

My friends and I gathered every Monday to watch the Bachelor for some girl chat and junk food. For the finale, we went all out! Here are some pictures from our Bachelor Finale viewing party!

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Our amazing t-shirts designed and made by my friend, Olivia!

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The Monday night squad!

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A party without cake is just a meeting

Did you watch the Bachelor finale?

Were you happy with Ben’s pick?

 

Are they going to make it? Let’s chat!

 

 

#OscarsSoLong- A sleep deprived look at the 88th Annual Academy Awards

Last night, Chris Rock used all 3 hours and 37 minutes of the 88th Academy Awards to bitch slap Hollywood with some hard truths about the lack of diversity in this year’s nominees.

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When he wasn’t making rich white people shift uncomfortably in their seats and demonstrate their limited range with nervous laughter and forced smiles, Rock subtly tackled body image in cinema by force feeding actors and actresses Girl Guide cookies. This feat, veiled as a fundraising attempt for his two young daughters, was presumably the first morsel of food containing gluten and glucose Hollywood elite have consumed since puberty.

The broadcast definitely broke from the tradition one usually associates with the Academy Awards. At times, I found myself missing the formality and prestige that celebrates cinema (think Billy Crystal monologues and goosebumps inducing montages). Somehow talk of Minion appendages and James Bond’s s lackluster performance in the bedroom, didn’t quite scream Oscar caliber material.

The show delivered some laugh out loud moments, especially the sketch where black actors insert themselves into this year’s nominated films . SNL alums Tracy Morgan as The Danish Girl and Leslie Jones as the bear from The Revenant were standouts, that had me laughing well into commercial break (and then again this morning).

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Another giggle of the night came from Tina Fey and Steve Carell made the most of their roles as presenters to introduce Best Production Design, injecting the category with their notorious brand of deadpan humor.

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My favourite part of the evening was Lady Gaga’s emotional performance of Till It Happens to You, a song written for The Hunting Ground, a documentary about sexual assault on college campuses. I recently watched the film and was blown away by the courage of the men and women who survived heinous crimes and were denied justice by their schools and local law enforcement. You MUST see this film, it will break your heart, make you insanely angry, and hopefully change the way victims of rape and sexual assault are treated.

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Even though the show was unbearably, make-me-late-for-work-today long, I stayed up until midnight to see Leonardo Di Caprio receive his first, and long awaited Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role. I’m not ashamed to say that I let out a high pitched shriek of joy, as social media went into a frenzy, with women who used to make out with his Tiger Beat poster every day before bed, declaring their joy that our collective first love was finally recognized by the Academy for his work. Even though DiCaprio picked up the award for The Revenant, in our hearts (and our vaginas) he was winning for Romeo + Juliet, Titanic, The Aviator, Blood Diamond, The Departed and the Wolf of Wall Street.

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Spotlight took home the award for Best Picture a film I feel SLIGHTLY/OBSESSIVELY connected to due to the fact that my friend Ashley and I got to visit the set while filming took place on our university campus in Hamilton. The crew was kind enough to let us watch filming on the monitors for a few hours so long as we stayed silent (not a problem because we were completely starstruck). We haven’t received our SAG award for best ensemble cast, but I’m sure it’s in the mail.

So, there you have it.

I’m sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted for Leonardo, and feel like I’ve had several shots at the Vanity Fair After Party .

What was your favourite moment of the night?

 

 

 

Blogmas Day 10: Love, Actually? Love, Kinda

I’m very 2015 when it comes to romance, meaning my standards are pretty low. Taking me someplace that offers unlimited refills on Diet Pepsi is essentially the real life equivalent of meeting me at the top of the Empire State Building at midnight on Valentine’s Day. In a world of late night booty calls and unwanted dick pics, I consider a guy to be a ‘gentleman’ if he uses proper grammar and remains fully clothed throughout our date.

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However, at Christmas, my expectations take a sleigh ride to the next level.

The fact that there’s an entire holiday celebrating a virgin becoming pregnant without having sex makes me believe that  at Christmas, anything is possible. This includes the possibility that your crush will magically appear at your doorstep on Christmas Eve to proclaim his or her undying love.

The year’s winding down, the romantic comedies are airing on Lifetime and the W Network, Mariah Carey is still singing at that pitch only the neighbourhood dogs can hear, and all of a sudden, you’re fantasizing about PG, first base, over the shirt stuff.

This is my first Christmas as a single lady in a few years, and I’m happy with my relationship status. It’s my choice to be solo right now, and do the ol’ personal inventory and figure out what I’m looking for.

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That being said, I’ve still got this secret desire that I’ll be wearing my cowl neck cream coloured holiday sweater, I’ll have finally learned how to contour my nose, I’ll be just about to crack open a bottle of wine and break my sobriety-ish vow when there will be a knock at the front door.  I answer the door to see snow gently falling and an out of breath Stud wearing a turtleneck, but I’ll let it go because it’s Christmas and I can’t be picky right now.

I’ll feign surprise, “What’re you doing here! My word!”

Then he’ll say, “My car broke down so I ran here.”

Aw, he has a car. But it’s broken. Regardless, I’ll be batting my eyelashes, “Studly, what’s going on?”

And then bam, he hits you with the good moves…and all of a sudden….

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But he verbalizes it. Says it out loud, like an articulate, emotionally available winner.

Then he’ll tell me that he was in a dark place on a bridge, and an angel will appear and show him what life would have been like if he had never been born. I’ll say this all sounds terribly familiar, but I’ll encourage him to keep going, because this is disrupting my quiet evening at home with mother #GreyGardens.

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He’ll say the angel said that if he was never born, I would be home alone on Christmas Eve with two men trying to rob my house and nobody would be there to save me.

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That’s when he realized he would be heartbroken if I died, because he’s been in love with me from the moment we met and it’s OK that I cuss like a sailor, can’t cook to save my life, and am probably never going to make my target weight.

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Then he’ll dip me dramatically and kiss me, and we’ll live happily ever after or for at least two years because that’s my track record.

Totally possible, right?

RIGHT?

 

Am I the only one who feels this way, or do you find the holidays incredibly romantic as well?

 

AMAs Roundup : Let’s be shallow for a hot minute

Some people have football, some people hockey, I have awards shows.

Last night the American Music Awards, hosted by Jennifer Lopez, was a three hour non-stop variety show that began with JLo performing a booty shaking routine to the year’s hottest songs.  I can’t hate on JLo (anymore) – she seems like a sweet boss babe, but she’s next level famous. What the f*ck is she doing hosting an awards show on network television?

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Anyways. Jennifer changed a whopping ten times throughout the night and paraded around the stage with a smile on her face, talked about living her dream and her truth and it was like a Tony Robin’s seminar with a smokey eye.

The show was MEH. Winners were based on fan votes, so you knew ahead of time that if the artist was in the audience, there’s a good chance they were going to win. There were some peeps on Twitter getting their gitch in a twist because Taylor Swift wasn’t named Artist of the Year, but again – Taylor’s too busy with the 1989 World Tour to have awkward run-ins with her ex, Harry Styles. WHICH IS ALL ANYONE WOULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT. By anyone, I mean me (I still have hope for those two).

Ok. Let’s be petty and shallow and talk about clothes.

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Gwen Stefani

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attends the 2015 American Music Awards at Microsoft Theater on November 22, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.

From the neck up, perfection. Neck down, looks like she got stuck putting on some pantyhose, said “f*ck it” and decided to go out in public. I never understood this see-thru dress trend because of the bullet-proof Nonna full back underwear. I thought we were supposed to hide those from guys and only wear them on period days or when we need a little bit of a tuck-in?

Selena Gomez

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Best dressed of the night, ladies and gentlemen! Can’t go wrong with Givenchy! This dress is sparkly, shows a LOT of skin (the back is completely open) and makes Selena look like a million bucks to distract us from her mediocre singing. I love that she wore this while her ex, Justin Bieber dressed like he stocks shoes at Pacsun. Make him suffer, girl! Well done.

Carrie Underwood

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Best legs in the biz, kids. Carrie looks like a Good Witch of the North at the club. It’s pretty and ethereal and yet a little bad-ass at the same time. You know that I will NEVER sass Carrie, and luckily with fashion choices like this I don’t have to. XO. Love it.

Harry Styles

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Okay, I know there was a lot of buzz about his suit looking like it was made out of an Ikea duvet, but I LOVE this look on Harry. It’s so IDGAF, which is just what I like in my greasy haired boy band members. Plus, if there’s anyone who wants to give him shit about this look, I’ll just reply, “It’s Gucci.” He knows how to stand out in a crowd, see? Now all we’re looking at is Harry and his floral suit. Top notch, Styles.

Nick Jonas

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Not all Bae’s were winner’s last night, and Nick Jonas looking like a hot piece of belly button fluff was unfortunately a fashion fail in my books. It just looked like he was wearing 100% wool or felt, and was sweating profusely underneath his clothing (prove it! amirite?) I think what ruins it for me is the monochrome look, the turtleneck and the orthopedic house slippers that he’s wearing. He’s still super attractive, but it’s like a cruel joke that he’s trying to test the limits of my affection. The limit is the turtleneck, babe. We need some space.

Jennifer Lopez

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This is just one of the 10 looks J Lo wore last night at the AMAs. I’d like to thank her for motivating me to hit the treadmill. After watching her opening dance number, I immediately put down my cookies, and jumped on the treadmill for a 45 minute run. Seriously. HER BODY IS RIDICULOUS. This isn’t really a dress, more like, a makeshift garb from fabric scraps, but it’s all held in so well without any jiggle!

Brava, JLo. You’re better than us all. We get it.

 

Who was your best dressed last night? Worst dressed?

 

 

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Friday Five! Baby Spurgeon, Bieber and more!

Happy Friday the 13th!
I’m looking forward to the weekend and some QT in Pajamaville a suburb of Couch City.
This week has been a little busy for me since I’ve been pet-sitting for a few different people. If you didn’t know, Pet/House Sitting is practically a second job for me. I’m convinced it’s because people one, know I’m 28 and still live at home with my mom and two, know nothing in the world makes me happier than spending time with animals.
So. That’s me this week.
Here are 5 things that happened this week that we should discuss!

1 . Jennifer Lawrence in Vogue

I’m convinced J-Law and I would be friends, but begin as the friends who meet and hate each other. Don’t you have those friends? One of my best friends, Krissy and I started that way. She thought I was a bitch, I thought she was a bitch who made great cupcakes. Now we speak every single day for hours on the phone because I’m a needy friend and can’t make my hour and a half commute home with just Adele or Carrie Underwood to keep me company.
J-Law’s interview has some great one-liners. Here’s an excerpt from the interview,
Glasses of wine in hand, we head upstairs, and when we walk into the enormous master suite she makes a sweeping gesture toward the bed and says, “This is where the maaagic haaaappens.” Then she shoots me a get-real look. “Literally zero magic has happened in here.” She holds up her glass in a toast: “Cheers to my hymen growing back!”
She seems down to Earth and sassy. The photos for the shoot have a desert, road-stop, cowgirl feel which I’m loving. You should check it out!

2. Spurgeon Elliot Seawald

No, that’s not something on the menu at Red Lobster, that’s a baby’s name. Specifically, that’s the name of Jessa Duggar, now Seewald’s first child.
I feel like CPS should be called because this is obviously a sign that these people already hate their child.
What the actual fuck are you smoking.
I just imagine the conversation being like, “How about Elliot? Elliot’s get beat up. How about ‘Spurgeon,’ nobody fucks with a ‘Spurgeon!”
Apparently the baby was named after Charles Spurgeon, a pastor both Ben and Jessa admire.
Which is cool, make a tribute to whomever you want (except Hitler), but WHAT’S WRONG WITH CHARLES?
Is it the Manson imagery?
Whatever.

3. Master of None

I binge watched the new Aziz Ansari Netflix series last weekend. It’s funny and insightful. Not – laugh out loud, pee your pants and rewind funny – but funny as in, “life is hilarious, isn’t it?”
I’ve been telling all of my friends to check it out. So, you should too!
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4. Justin Bieber Week on Ellen

 Listen, we all know how I feel like Justin is my step-brother who I might harbor inappropriate feelings for, but I have to say, I get why people think he’s an asshole. An asshole that gives me Saved By the Bell Zack Morris tingles and catchy pop tunes.
This video gave me a good giggle. Maybe it’ll change your mind about the Biebs?

5. Katy Perry Being Katy Perry

Ugh. I love KP.
I have no real excuse for this addition but I just feel like her look is maturing and is less Bubblegum schizophrenic.
I need new Katy music, now!
NOW!
What are you loving this weekend? Let’s discuss!

Shield your eyes! Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is coming (and more Gwen and Blake)

Every year. Every GD year I dread the Victoria’s Secret fashion show and it’s big barrel curls and 14 inch rib cages. This year, the show should officially change it’s title to, “Taylor Swift’s Friends Walking” because that’s essentially all the show has become, just twenty of Taylor’s BFF’s giving #squad and #eatingdisorder goals for the masses.

Models, from left, Lily Aldrige, Karlie Kloss, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel and Bahati Prinsloo walk the runway during the finale of the 2013 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show at the 69th Regiment Armory on Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2013, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Models, from left, Lily Aldrige, Karlie Kloss, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel and Bahati Prinsloo walk the runway during the finale of the 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show at the 69th Regiment Armory on Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2013, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Ok, OKAY. It’s not the model’s fault if young girls and let’s be real, grown women, internalize these images and let them feed the already gnawing belief that this is type of beauty is what results in love, success and acceptance. Models are genetically thin. Models use their bodies, their naturally thin bodies to make money. That is all.

I just wish, someone, ANYONE who was or is a Victoria’s Secret model would take a moment and think, “Man, nothing is going to change if we keep televising lingerie fashion shows.”

Because really – NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE IF WE KEEP TELEVISING LINGERIE FASHION SHOWS.

I give props to these girls for trying to spin VS into a positive experience, about female empowerment and supporting one another, but what about supporting the rest of the women in the world? What about saying, “This is super fucked up, but I’m making serious bank and you should know that I know it’s damaging to you.”

I would respect you more, if that were the case.

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Victoria’s Secret released a video about the auditioning process being “super emotional.”

You know what’s emotional? Me, trying to pick an outfit on a daily basis or accidentally catching a glimpse of my ass before I get in the shower.

That’s emotional.

These girls KNOW this will take their careers to the next level. They also know they’ll probably end up dating Leonardo Di Caprio.

Warped. This whole thing is messed up.  Anyways. Over it. Not going to watch.

NEXT

So, Blake and Gwen are a thing, officially.

We’ve talked about this before but I still can’t wrap my head around this couple. I’m sure there are other people wondering what’s going on. The only thing I can think of is that the sex is really good. Isn’t that always the case?

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If you can’t guess, this photo is from E!

I’m just hoping Blake can convince Gwen to eat a rack of ribs and put some meat on her bones.

Opposites attract, but this is like a Cat and a Dog having Pittens, or Kuppies.

Weird.

Friday Five – Thanksgiving, American Horror Story, Gigi Hadid and more!

Happy Friday!

It was a short work week here in Canada due to last weekend being Thanksgiving!

I hope you Canuck’s got a chance to eat some yummy food, be with your loved ones and watch the Blue Jays kick serious baseball ass! Woo! One step closer to the World Series!

I’m not a huge sports fan but I’m a huge fan of athletes…amirite ladies?

Here’s what I’m loving about this week…

Thanksgiving!

We’ve had some health issues in our family recently (luckily my Grandpa’s on the mend), so this Thanksgiving there was no concrete plan for holiday dinners. I was lucky enough to be invited to Marie’s parent’s house for dinner, who have always made me feel like I’m one of their own.

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Marie’s Mom is an AMAZING cook. I always leave with a full belly and full heart, with her cooking reminding me of my Nani’s classic Italian recipes. Everything is full fat, butter and fried…it’s delicious!

American Horror Story: Hotel

Ok. So here’s where you’re going to think I’m a bit of a blasphemer. When I was a Religious Studies major in University without any spiritual ties, I decided to create my own personal Holy Trinity for shits and giggles. I’m half joking, half serious when I say, that my personal equivalent of the Holy Spirit is Lady Gaga – a colourful, ever changing, powerful life force …with fabulous wigs.

I’m now watching AHS: Hotel starring Gaga and although I’m not sold on this season, I am pleasantly surprised by Gaga’s acting chops. GIRL can sell being a vampire like it’s nobody’s business. Which…yes, is in direct opposition to the lightness that is everything heavenly, but still. It’s my theology and I’m sticking with my choice!

Are you watching American Horror Story?

It’s perfectly timed for Halloween. Check it out so we can chat!

Gigi Hadid in Elle Canada

I was in at the salon getting my roots colored, because I’m white already at 28, when I picked up the latest issue of Elle Canada with supermodel of the moment, Gigi Hadid, on the cover.

While my opinions on Ms. Hadid were that she was just a pretty face with rich parents and a  famous boyfriend. I must confess I was thoroughly impressed by her interview with the mag. Hadid is a PR superstar, knowing the value of building relationships with industry professionals and fans alike. It’s rare that you see a celebrity, a young celebrity at that, be a consummate professional.

If you’re looking for some brain and eye candy, check out the article here!

Carrie Underwood – Heartbeat

I’m always pushing Country music. Sorry, not sorry, y’all!

The second single from Underwood’s soon to be released album, Storyteller, features Sam Hunt’s vocals on the chorus.

Yup. That Sam Hunt. The one that makes my loins burst into flames like a head full of hairspray near an open flame.

The song is a typical country tune, about nights under the stars and slow dancing near a river, but it’s one you definitely need to check out!

Take a listen!


and finally…..

Angelina Jolie for Vogue

Remember that personal Holy Trinity I mentioned earlier? Here’s my walking, talking, raven haired, Jesus.

I adore Angelina Jolie for so many reasons besides her blessed bone structure. Jolie is open about her personal life, but not for the sake of entertainment. She shares her vulnerability to connect with others and uses her fame to bring attention to her humanitarian efforts. Hollywood’s most glamorous A-Lister is spends her time with the poorest of the poor, and she does it with grace.

Personally, I admire Jolie because she transitioned from this wild child to a humanitarian and mother. For me this has always been admirable because it reminds me that we are not our past, and we can become whatever or whoever it is we want to be!

Check out Angelina on the latest cover of Vogue, with photos featuring the entire Jolie-Pitt clan here!

Woman’s sex drive dies, Adam Levine’s baldness to blame

Breaking News:  Toronto, Ontario

A Canadian woman tragically lost her libido after a brief glance at Adam Levine’s bald head. This no longer sexual being is just one of many who are suffering in the wake of Levine’s latest look. The Maroon 5 singer debuted his peach fuzz Monday night on the hit NBC television show The Voice, cooling many loins in it’s wake.

“All I wanted to do was watch The Voice. I turned on my television, saw Adam Levine and all of a sudden I just went numb from the waist down. ” Elizabeth Regina, 28,  of Hamilton, Ontario told reporters during a press conference. “He had no hair. I close my eyes at night and I just keep seeing his forehead. It’s horrible.”

Friends of Elizabeth tried to frantically revive her libido by streaming music videos by Sam Hunt and Nick Jonas. After approximately 20 minutes without so much as a tingle in her lady pringle, she was taken to hospital where doctors  pronounced her libido as permanently deceased.

“Unfortunately, authorities received several calls of distress similar to Elizabeth’s before The Voice went to it’s first commercial break last night,” said Sue Jeffries, a representative from Hamilton General Hospital. “We weren’t equipped to handle the overflow of patients. We had to warn nurses and doctors not to Google Levine’s bald head as reference. We don’t know what would happen if our medical professionals suddenly became incapacitated as well.”

The Red Cross and FEMA are confirming, as many suspected, that the number of casualties is expected to measure in the hundreds of thousands by the end of today.

Dr. Brian Butler of  Johns Hopkins University, says the effects of Levine’s new look may have a long lasting impact around the world. “We’re facing a potentially global population problem,” writes Butler in an exclusive e-mail to Honestly, Libby. “If Adam Levine doesn’t grow back his hair, women everywhere might never want to have sex again.”

In a broadcast that interrupted Monday night’s episode of the voice, President Barack Obama urged Americans to remain calm. “We are a nation filled with hope. We will overcome. With patience and determination, we will wait until Adam Levine’s hair returns to it’s coal colored, disheveled splendor. Brighter days are ahead.”

Hollywood heavyweights Bruce Willis, Vin Diesel and Jason Statham have been designated by UNICEF as Goodwill ambassadors in light of yesterday’s outbreak. These bald headed celebrities will be visiting hospitals around the world to try to bring comfort to ailing victims.

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Willis: Bald is Beautiful source

“We just want them to know it’s possible to love someone who’s bald.” Willis told reporters. “Baldness can be attractive.”

Unfortunately, Elizabeth Regina and thousands like her, are finding it hard to remain positive. “I keep punching myself in my legs, hoping to feel something – anything. I’ve worn my tightest pants, and have been re-watching all five seasons of Game of Thrones, but there’s still nothing.”

Levine did not provide a response at press time. Honestly, Libby will continue to follow this story as it develops.

If you would like to donate to the Adam Levine Rogain Relief fund, visit http://www.folliclesofhope.com/AdamLevine

*Obviously these quotes are fake. But if you or someone you know has lost their libido, you're in my prayers.

Friday Five: Jennifer Aniston gets hitched and more!

Happy Friday!

Thanks to a civic holiday, this week has flown by. I’m looking forward to laying out in the sun and hopefully evening out this ridiculous sunburn. My face is peeling, making me look like a meth addict, but it’s worth it for that “sun-kissed glow” right?

Here’s what I’ve been talkin’ bout this week!

Jennifer Aniston finally ties the knot!

Ok. I may be against popular opinion here, but I find Jen to be sweet, but a little boring. Just a smidge. She would be the perfect person to hang with if I ever wanted to say, shop for bikinis, chain smoke and do yoga. That being said, I’m ridiculously happy that Jennifer finally wed super-babe Justin Theroux! You know what this means? NOW WE GET TO LOOK FORWARD TO TABLOIDS SAYING THEY’RE DIVORCING BECAUSE SHES PREGNANT WITH TRIPLETS!

It’s the nature of the beast.

I’m hoping there are pictures from the wedding. Give me something. Donate the money to charity. I don’t care – just GIVE me some exclusive shots. I’m picturing Jen in a very form fitted, sexy, gown. No veil. Maybe not even in white.

How much do you want to bet she wore her hair down?

Gwen and Gavin Call it Quits

DEVESTATED. Ok. Not really. I think I’m just numb to celebrity break-ups these days. After Blake and Miranda, nothing can shock me. Nothing. Gwen and Gavin were the 90s power couple. The functioning answer to Kurt and Courtney. Sure, both of their careers have kind of teetered off, but still. They were an iconic pairing for their time. IT’S THE END OF AN ERA!

Ben Affleck and the Nanny

Really, Ben? Really?

First you cheat on JLO with a stripper, now you have an affair with the Nanny? Do you just love clichés or something? What’s next, are you going to cheat with your secretary?

Maybe it’s not really Ben’s fault. I mean, have you seen the Nanny? We’re all thinking it, but I’ll say it. If I had to hire a nanny for my children, it would be someone who is over the age of 55, dry as the Sahara down there, probably someone who speaks English as a second language, and most importantly I WOULD NEVER HIRE A NANNY.

Geez. What is this Downton Abbey? Am I that busy that I can’t take care of my own progeny? Was my mom busy? NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

Napes.

Shout out to all you nannies out there though, I hope you insert yourself into a Hollywood scandal and get the compensation you deserve.

Nicole Kidman ages better than you

I’ve always loved Nicole Kidman. Always. Ever since Far and Away. She’s charming – there’s a certain quiet humour about her. When her face isn’t injected with fillers and botox (or once it settles) she’s still a stunner!

Look at this cover from Australia Vogue – #BeautyGoals

Whine About It

If you haven’t seen Matt Bellassai from Buzzfeed’s weekly video where he drunkenly complains about things, you’re missing out! The idea is so simple, but so amazing. Comedy gold!

What are you loving/talking about/hating/complaining about this week?

Let me know!

Enjoy your weekend!