Pop Culture Junk

The Bachelorette: Episode 1- Good Mojo 4 Jojo

The latest season of The Bachelorette premiered on Monday night, and although it was about two hours of carbon copy white dudes exiting a limo, it was worth watching just to see the previews for what looks like a crazy dramatic season!

I wont go into too much detail of what happened (this isn’t a recap, there are people being paid to write those elsewhere), but I will give you my thoughts, talk shit and swoon about yesterday’s fantastic premiere!

Let’s start with the belle of the ball:

Jojo

 

I’m a big fan of Jojo. I think she’s beautiful and charming and was really excited when she was named the next Bachelorette. I think Jojo and former Bachelorette Andi Dorfman are similar in that they’re both successful Southern women who drop “y’all” left right and center, with great hair and fake and bake tans, but unlike Andi, Jojo reads much softer and sweeter on camera.

Ok, let’s talk about the men.

Jordan

Jordan is already the front-runner of the season because he nabbed the first impression rose and is brother to NFL player Aaron Rodgers (who I refer to as Olivia Munn’s boyfriend). I’m not sold on Jordan, but he has thunder thighs and skinny jeans and in high school I would have eaten that shit up. Be careful, Jojo “Former Pro-Football” player is code word for “Unemployed Fame Seeker.”

Chad

Listen, I’m sure Chad’s mom thinks he’s great, but in actuality, Chad looks like he’s one injection of ‘roids away from committing a murder suicide (also his neck-beard looks like untamed bush) The temper on this one looks terrifying. The only thing that upsets me more than an angry, violent man, is a sales person who doesn’t know the importance of staying on brand. Seriously, Chad – you’re a real estate agent. Do you think this is good for your brand/sales/client base? Get it together. Read a book. No bueno, Chad. NO BUENO!

Luke

I legit burst out laughing when Luke stood against a barn looking like a Clint Eastwood impersonator at a roadhouse restaurant. Although he’s an army vet, he’s also an aspiring country singer. I’m already dreading the inevitable moment when he pulls out a six string and serenades Jojo with a song. It’s cringe worthy. I’ve dated some musicians in my time, and I would laugh whenever they tried to serenade me. Work on your craft…but in a sound proof room.

 

Brandon

The hipster is so far my personal favourite of the season. Have you read his Bachelorette bio? Swoon. Have you seen his Ethan Hawke Reality Bytes hair? That’s the dream. Apparently Brandon is actually a model (which I could overlook) but judging by his beaded bracelet and the fact that Jojo seems uninterested in circle scarfs and slam poetry, his days seem numbered.

This season looks dramatic as f*ck, and I’m so excited for glittery gowns, balyage highlights and testosterone fueled bitch fights.

Are you watching this season? Who are your favourites so far?

 

Pour One Out for Prince

I was in the middle of celebrating Queen Elizabeth’s 90th birthday, when I received a flurry of text messages with the news that Prince, the 57 year old entertainment icon, has died.

Put on something purple, put on his Greatest Hits, dim the lights and pour yourself a glass of whatever it is you need to handle this loss.

We’ll miss you, you weird little enigma of a man. You were larger than life, and a true artist and original.  Your music was part of the soundtrack to my childhood and for millions of other people your songs are tied to some of our fondest memories.

Nothing compares 2 you…

The Bachelor: Boring people stay boring, Jojo FTW

The season finale of the Bachelor aired this week on ABC, with Bachelor Ben Higgins proposing to flight attendant, Lauren Bushnell.

Ok. I’ve had a few people ask me how I feel about the results and even though IDGAF, I think Ben made the right choice for his vanilla-christian lite lifestyle. Ben is a babe, don’t get me wrong, but we rarely got to see him make a joke, take off his shirt or do anything without crying. Lauren is beautiful, there’s no doubt about that- she has the Aryan teenage dream, size 2, zero cellulite thing going on. The two had an undeniable missionary position chemistry that Bachelor fans love. I find them boring. I already don’t care about their relationship.

Personally, I was a fan of Jojo, the 24-year old super tanned Isla Fisher doppelganger sporting ombre locks and a Cartier love bracelet (Oh yes, I noticed). Jojo is hot, and I’m going out on a limb here and saying her boobs are fake, but I’m not judging – I’m envying that she has enough money for the love bracelet and the tit job. The thing about Jojo is that she was TOO much for Ben; too sexy, too sweet. With Jojo as the new Bachelorette, I want to see her with a former-athlete type who, I don’t know, rescues dogs and thinks he writes good poetry. Something like that.

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Joelle “Jojo” Fletcher – Source 

The season was, arguably, one of the best in Bachelor franchise history, with several stand out contestants. We had Lace, the Pinot Grigio enthusiast with entitlement issues, who many people thought was the front-runner as the season’s resident villain. In a moment of clarity and self-awareness, Lace excused herself from the Bachelor, saying she needed to work on herself before she could find love. Lil Lace proved to be the smartest one of the bunch when she realized competing with 25 women for the attention of one man is f*cked up and unhealthy.

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Then there was Jubilee, the Haitian born sergeant in the US Army, who ruffled feathers with the other contestants by being “awkward” and the self proclaimed “full black” contestant. Jubilee’s presence reintroduced the topic of diversity on the show, and many were hoping Jubilee would become the first black Bachelorette. Jubes was also the victim of some serious girl shit, with several nameless, irrelevant contestants hounding Jubilee for not being a cookie-cutter fake-ass bitch.

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Bullying was taken to the NEXT level with Olivia, the slightly delusional Cameron Diaz clone who made enemies right away by receiving the First Impression Rose. Olivia…liked to embellish her connection with Ben. Maybe romanticize the situation a little, and got carried away with her pop culture Teen Mom references. However entertaining her behaviour was for viewers at home, Olivia quickly became the target of internet trolls, and was cut up by all of her fellow cast mates on the Women Tell All for having bad breath and cankles.

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Not cool.

I talk a lot of shit on this blog, mostly in jest, but I seriously dislike when people are ganged up on by their peers. I side with the under-dog at all times. Olivia and Jubes- I got chu.

My friends and I gathered every Monday to watch the Bachelor for some girl chat and junk food. For the finale, we went all out! Here are some pictures from our Bachelor Finale viewing party!

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Our amazing t-shirts designed and made by my friend, Olivia!

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The Monday night squad!

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A party without cake is just a meeting

Did you watch the Bachelor finale?

Were you happy with Ben’s pick?

 

Are they going to make it? Let’s chat!

 

 

#OscarsSoLong- A sleep deprived look at the 88th Annual Academy Awards

Last night, Chris Rock used all 3 hours and 37 minutes of the 88th Academy Awards to bitch slap Hollywood with some hard truths about the lack of diversity in this year’s nominees.

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When he wasn’t making rich white people shift uncomfortably in their seats and demonstrate their limited range with nervous laughter and forced smiles, Rock subtly tackled body image in cinema by force feeding actors and actresses Girl Guide cookies. This feat, veiled as a fundraising attempt for his two young daughters, was presumably the first morsel of food containing gluten and glucose Hollywood elite have consumed since puberty.

The broadcast definitely broke from the tradition one usually associates with the Academy Awards. At times, I found myself missing the formality and prestige that celebrates cinema (think Billy Crystal monologues and goosebumps inducing montages). Somehow talk of Minion appendages and James Bond’s s lackluster performance in the bedroom, didn’t quite scream Oscar caliber material.

The show delivered some laugh out loud moments, especially the sketch where black actors insert themselves into this year’s nominated films . SNL alums Tracy Morgan as The Danish Girl and Leslie Jones as the bear from The Revenant were standouts, that had me laughing well into commercial break (and then again this morning).

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Another giggle of the night came from Tina Fey and Steve Carell made the most of their roles as presenters to introduce Best Production Design, injecting the category with their notorious brand of deadpan humor.

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My favourite part of the evening was Lady Gaga’s emotional performance of Till It Happens to You, a song written for The Hunting Ground, a documentary about sexual assault on college campuses. I recently watched the film and was blown away by the courage of the men and women who survived heinous crimes and were denied justice by their schools and local law enforcement. You MUST see this film, it will break your heart, make you insanely angry, and hopefully change the way victims of rape and sexual assault are treated.

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Even though the show was unbearably, make-me-late-for-work-today long, I stayed up until midnight to see Leonardo Di Caprio receive his first, and long awaited Oscar for Best Actor in a Leading Role. I’m not ashamed to say that I let out a high pitched shriek of joy, as social media went into a frenzy, with women who used to make out with his Tiger Beat poster every day before bed, declaring their joy that our collective first love was finally recognized by the Academy for his work. Even though DiCaprio picked up the award for The Revenant, in our hearts (and our vaginas) he was winning for Romeo + Juliet, Titanic, The Aviator, Blood Diamond, The Departed and the Wolf of Wall Street.

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Spotlight took home the award for Best Picture a film I feel SLIGHTLY/OBSESSIVELY connected to due to the fact that my friend Ashley and I got to visit the set while filming took place on our university campus in Hamilton. The crew was kind enough to let us watch filming on the monitors for a few hours so long as we stayed silent (not a problem because we were completely starstruck). We haven’t received our SAG award for best ensemble cast, but I’m sure it’s in the mail.

So, there you have it.

I’m sleep deprived, emotionally exhausted for Leonardo, and feel like I’ve had several shots at the Vanity Fair After Party .

What was your favourite moment of the night?

 

 

 

Blogmas Day 2: The Saviour is Born

It’s Britney Jean Spears Day!

If you own an Advent Calendar, just eat the entire 24 days left in one sitting because today is REALLY the day that we were blessed with a deity.

Today our Lord and Saviour turns 34, and will no doubt be celebrating in style without a bra, velour track pants and some kind of cheese bi-product snack. I hope Starbucks treats the Queen to something frappy and free!

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For the past 8 years, my adoptive sister and I have been celebrating the ups and downs of Brit-Brit’s life. Like most girls who were born in the mid to late 80’s, no one even comes CLOSE to the level of superstardom as Britney J. Spears (formerly Federline).

Nobody.

Beyoncé is close, but I dare say she’s not as likable as Brit.

Britney’s like your best friend from elementary school who kind of went crazy for a little bit after college but got her shit together and has that little glimmer of her former self in her eye. The dark side of Britney, and the fact that we still DON’T really know what happened or what that time of her life was like is what makes her so intriguing.

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She essentially rose from the dead and is back to forgive you for abandoning her during her time of need.

Sound familiar?

By now Brit’s hair as grown back, she’s got her post baby bod on lock since the kids are practically preteens now; all that’s left to do is get her love life in order.

Brit needs a good man. One that’s not using her for fame, and doesn’t mind the days she goes make-up free to Target.

I have faith that this will happen, because I believe in Britney.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRITNEY JEAN!

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Vogue provides employable alternatives to the Sexiest Man Alive

Last week, People magazine set your lady carriage on fire by naming David Beckham the Sexiest Man Alive.

Not to be outdone, Vogue, published an article listing 10 Unconventional Alternatives to the Sexiest Man Alive.

Okay. I’m not even going to pretend I read Vogue. Vogue is like the friend who chain-smokes, drinks endless amounts of coffee, is a size 0, and doesn’t wear a drop of makeup. I’m like the cookies for breakfast, pageant hair, US Weekly reading girl. Sure, I dabble with Vogue on occasion the way some 20 somethings dabble with MDMA; I’m not buying my own, but if it’s around, sure. I’ll give it a whirl.

(For the record I’m too scared to try ANY drug because I once saw a Sally Jesse Raphael episode about a girl who died after taking ecstasy once,and that was enough to all but send me to a nunnery).

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Intimidatingly Beautiful- the magazine, Gisele’s cool, too. Source 

I was doing my morning scroll of the headlines, in case any of my coworkers tried to engage me in a conversation about global news, when I saw the following article, Justin Trudeau Named On Vogue’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ List . I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m A-OK with male objectification, so I was like a proud mom when I saw that Prime Minister Trudeau was name dropped for his obvious Disney Prince level of good looks.

I don’t care if you’re talking about how hot our PM is, I’m just glad you know WHO he is, and that Canada doesn’t have a President, a King, or is ruled by the Queen of England.

Here’s the thing with Vogue’s list:  Everyone on it was still ridiculously attractive, but not in a “Don’t I recognize you from the gym?” way. Vogue’s list was men with charisma and a real-life, attainable, bumped into you while in line for coffee,  level of sex appeal.

These men are employable. Which ladies, as we know, becomes the number 1 quality in a man once you turn twenty-five.

Aside from Trudeau, the list includes Tom Hiddleston (be still my heart), Benedict Cumberbatch, Oscar Isaacs and Aziz Ansari.

These are the guys you want to discuss books with, drink tea with while reading the paper together on a rainy Sunday after you mauled him like a tiger Saturday night after one too many glasses of Merlot.

Is this list unconventional?

Hardly.

Is this a list for the woman who wants someone who can carry a conversation and wear the shit out of a suit?

Absolutely.

Well done, Vogue.

Well done,  indeed.

 

 

 

David Beckham: Sexiest Man Alive?

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

People Magazine celebrated 30 years of objectifying men (hallelujah) by naming David Beckham the Sexiest Man Alive.

Grab a tea, eat some cookies and let’s have some real talk about this.

Okay.

David Beckham is  certifiably hot. No one will argue that. He’s got the smoldering look, can pull off any hairstyle he wants, and his body is lean muscle, not the overwhelming “I can’t cuddle this brick wall” muscle.

Personally, David Beckham does nothing for me. I get it, but from the belly button down, I’m epidural numb without the cervical dilation. I’m more of a tall dark and handsome type girl (which I will discuss later).

I think the selling feature for David Beckham to a lot of women is that he’s aesthetically good looking, has an Achilles heel with his high pitched voice (kind of like Timberlake- people like an imperfect man), and David is first and foremost a family man.

These days you never see photos of Beckham without a kid or with a shirt. It’s either or.

No kid? Shirts off.

With one of his brood? Fully clothed.

People respect that.

I respect that.

 

I rarely agree with People Magazine’s selection for SMA, so I’m a bit disappointed that one of my favorites wasn’t given the title.

If you’ve read my blog before, you know I go positively middle school when talking about male celebrities. Which is sad, but that’s really all I have: My unsolicited opinion and my cat.

So, that being said – here are my picks for Sexiest Man Alive…

3. Eric Decker

Tall – Check

Dark- Check

Handsome – Check, Check, Check!

Decker plays for the New York Jets, but don’t ask me what position. I don’t give a rat’s ass about football. All I know is Decker is genetically gifted, and like David, a family man. This father of two is married to Jessie James Decker, my imaginary squad member.

My sister Marie and I use Eric Decker as the benchmark for all men. Whenever I’m talking about guys or possibly dating someone, she always asks whether they’re “Decker material.” If they aren’t we move along.

2. Sam Hunt

Tall – Check

Dark- Check

Handsome – Check, Check, Check!

I’ve chronicled our torrid love affair for the past year, and how one drunk 17 year old thwarted my plans to see Sam in concert, after I paid an obscene amount of money to be front row.

I WILL seek vengeance.

Anyways.

Hunt is a Southern boy, country singer-songwriter with quarterback good looks. He’s got that “Aw-shucks, I go to Church, love my Mama, but won’t hesitate to take you up against this here wall.”

Amen, Sam Hunt. Amen.

1. Jake Gyllenhaal

Tall -Check

Dark – Check

Handsome – Check, Check, Check,

Bonus points : Blue eyes

Oh, Jake. You are a living, breathing, Prince Eric from the Little Mermaid, and that’s why I love you – because Disney conditioned me to!

Funny, humble and sometimes eerily dark, Jake is the blue ribbon winner in this dog show called life.

I could go on, and on, but then I think no one would ever date me, and my friends would have me committed. I’m literally one cat away from being locked up American Horror Story Asylum style. Which wouldn’t be so bad, I could use the vacation and some quality “Me” time, but anyways.

 

What do you think about People’s choice?

Who would be YOUR choice for Sexiest Man Alive?

 

Special Edit:

This is the 200th post on Honestly, Libby!

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So many people to thank. Oprah (my deity of choice) – all things are possible through you!

My mom, for always telling me that my writing is too crass, because that means I’m doing something right.

To my friends who read the blog and feed my ego by making me feel like I’m actually good at something, I love you!

Thanks to everyone in the WordPress world for being so great! I really do cherish my WP friendships.

CHEERS!

Shield your eyes! Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is coming (and more Gwen and Blake)

Every year. Every GD year I dread the Victoria’s Secret fashion show and it’s big barrel curls and 14 inch rib cages. This year, the show should officially change it’s title to, “Taylor Swift’s Friends Walking” because that’s essentially all the show has become, just twenty of Taylor’s BFF’s giving #squad and #eatingdisorder goals for the masses.

Models, from left, Lily Aldrige, Karlie Kloss, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel and Bahati Prinsloo walk the runway during the finale of the 2013 Victoria's Secret Fashion Show at the 69th Regiment Armory on Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2013, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Models, from left, Lily Aldrige, Karlie Kloss, Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel and Bahati Prinsloo walk the runway during the finale of the 2013 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show at the 69th Regiment Armory on Wednesday, Nov. 13, 2013, in New York. (Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP)

Ok, OKAY. It’s not the model’s fault if young girls and let’s be real, grown women, internalize these images and let them feed the already gnawing belief that this is type of beauty is what results in love, success and acceptance. Models are genetically thin. Models use their bodies, their naturally thin bodies to make money. That is all.

I just wish, someone, ANYONE who was or is a Victoria’s Secret model would take a moment and think, “Man, nothing is going to change if we keep televising lingerie fashion shows.”

Because really – NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE IF WE KEEP TELEVISING LINGERIE FASHION SHOWS.

I give props to these girls for trying to spin VS into a positive experience, about female empowerment and supporting one another, but what about supporting the rest of the women in the world? What about saying, “This is super fucked up, but I’m making serious bank and you should know that I know it’s damaging to you.”

I would respect you more, if that were the case.

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Victoria’s Secret released a video about the auditioning process being “super emotional.”

You know what’s emotional? Me, trying to pick an outfit on a daily basis or accidentally catching a glimpse of my ass before I get in the shower.

That’s emotional.

These girls KNOW this will take their careers to the next level. They also know they’ll probably end up dating Leonardo Di Caprio.

Warped. This whole thing is messed up.  Anyways. Over it. Not going to watch.

NEXT

So, Blake and Gwen are a thing, officially.

We’ve talked about this before but I still can’t wrap my head around this couple. I’m sure there are other people wondering what’s going on. The only thing I can think of is that the sex is really good. Isn’t that always the case?

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If you can’t guess, this photo is from E!

I’m just hoping Blake can convince Gwen to eat a rack of ribs and put some meat on her bones.

Opposites attract, but this is like a Cat and a Dog having Pittens, or Kuppies.

Weird.

CMA Awards & the Ex-factor

Last night was the 49th Annual Country Music Awards hosted by Brad Paisley and the songstress with hair as gold as the sun, Carrie Underwood.

The show was an enjoyable three hours, with performances from the biggest names in country music – oh, and Justin Timberlake was there, too.

I was going to do a recap of the awards show, but I’ll leave that for the legit news sources. Let’s just talk about the giant divorced elephant in the room: Blake Shelton and Miranda Lambert.

I just have to compose myself. Okay. I think I can do this without crying.

Last night for the first time since their split, Blake and Miranda walked the same red carpet and took to the same stage performing their latest hits. Although Shelton and Lambert maintained that post split, they were determined to stay friends and keep things civil, Shelton threw a major curve ball into those plans. During the awards broadcast, it was confirmed by Gwen Stefani’s rep that she and Blake are indeed dating.

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First of all, Blake: What the actual f*ck. Opposites attract, sure but you are literally, ten minutes out of a marriage, and you decide to go public with your co-star, who ALSO just got out of a marriage a hot second ago?

Blake was his jovial, fun loving self the entire night, but Miranda looked visibly less confident than we’ve seen her in the past. After her win for Female Vocalist of the Year, Lambert told the crowd that she, “Needed a bright spot this year” before quickly saying some thank-yous and leaving the stage.

It was #awkward, and the divorce of country’s biggest couple was the hot topic of the night on social media. It was kind of like being at an event or party with all of your friends and you’re just awkwardly watching every move the recently single Prom King and Queen are making, and you’re not quite sure whether you should take sides but after a few drinks you follow your friend to the bathroom and have a cry about what happened and you’re just doing the drunk girl, “He’s a jerk!” over and over.

Miranda, he’s a jerk for going public with his new girlfriend the first time you two are going to see each other. That’s a dick move, right there. The good news is, you’re young, hot as shit, and going to make him regret it.

Ugh.

Anyways, what else can we talk about. I’m already over the Blake and Gwen story. Yeah, yeah, be happy, do you and all that jazz but come on. Did you HAVE to take up with someone both you and your ex knew? You couldn’t go find someone new who’s like, a hair stylist?

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Dick.

I still love you, Blake. But, I’m going to have to go ovaries over bro-varies.

Fashion:

No surprise, Carrie Underwood was the best dressed of the night with her millions of wardrobe changes.

Eye Candy:

Eye candy was EVERYWHERE. Luke Bryan (swoon in them tight jeans) and Sam Hunt (we all know how I feel) were my top picks for Babes of the Ball.

Sam Hunt didn’t take home any awards, but I’m pretty sure he didn’t go home alone. Look at him. LOOK AT HIS FACE.

I’ll leave you with country stars reading mean tweets. It’s a pretty good giggle!

Zendaya’s retouching scandal unmasks a new monster…

I’ve got to admit, I only know who Zendaya is through Dancing With the Stars (old lady moment right there), but she’s been making headlines lately for being Taylor Swift’s bestie (one of them) and for speaking out about some retouched photos for Modeliste magazine.

The pop-star, asked the magazine to pull her cover story after the photo-shopped images of her began circulating online.

Look at some of the photos and then we’ll talk…

First of all, Zendaya’s a beautiful girl, no doubt about that. She’s stunning.

HOWEVER, isn’t this just a case of a shit photo-shop job getting attention for a no-name magazine?

Have you ever heard about Modeliste before right now? Honestly. I haven’t. I think she might have done them a FAVOUR by calling out their photo-editing skills online. There is literally nothing wrong with the original photos! Zendaya has the type of body people retouch to look like they have!

If the lighting and skin tone was an issue, slap on an Instagram filter and warm that right up. Valencia that shit! X-Pro II ! Nashville! Nobody ever uses Nashville!

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