#PeriodProblems: Reasons I’m crying

There are some people who are grossed out when I talk about menstruation. Those people usually have penises. It’s not that I think the female reproductive system is a beautiful thing, I’m really just  looking for any and every opportunity to commiserate with my fellow egg baskets over our monthly massacres.

This morning I woke up with a week early monthly guest and a horrible nosebleed. I just tilted my head back, looked to the heavens and let everything just flow south. The only plus side to this unexpected horror, was that my best friend and I have synched our cycles, which I’m hoping means we can FINALLY fight crime and make others shed blood instead of shedding our own.

The whole thing seems very Wiccan to me. I kind of dig it.

Until then, I’ll be sitting in pajama pants, clutching my pooch, waiting the week out so I can stop crying randomly at anything and everything.

What makes me cry during my period?

Day 1: Getting my period

*Tears of Joy*

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Day 2: Catching a glimpse of my bloated self in the mirror and wondering, “Hmm, this is what I would look like at 4 months pregnant.” Then hyperventilating because you can’t imagine yourself ever being ready for motherhood

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Day 2: Afternoon

Crying because you’re worried, that if you ultimately do want kids, what if you later discover you’re infertile, and then you’ve just got your period to waste tampons and good underpants on a monthly reminder of what you can’t have.

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Day 2: Evening

Crying because you’ll get to adopt a kid and keep shit right down there.

*Tears of joy*

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Day 3: Watching old Hollywood movies and crying because everyone in the movie is probably dead

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Day 4: Checking online dating profiles and crying because you’re online dating

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Day 4: 10 mins later

Crying because you’re worried nobody will love the guys you’re swiping left to. SOMEONE SHOULD LOVE THEM!

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(Just not me. Never me)

Day 5: Seeing an old person take their dog on a walk. The dog’s wearing a coat and little booties.

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Day 6: Adele.

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Day 7:

Happily skipping out the door without a feminine product only to find that your body is a traitor and released a last wave of assault to remind you that you should never, ever, think you understand your body.

(Oh yes, Girls. Some of us are full week-ers)

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Day 8: PTSD

You only have 21 days before you have to relive the carnage.

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Brb. Gotta go eat some cookies.

 

 

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19 comments

  1. Day 2 afternoon is a real fear of mine and day 4 happens all the time. I try to stay away from the online dating world when I’m on my monthlies (and when I’m not on them, but that’s besides the point.) It’s a vicious circle.

    Like

  2. Omg this is fantastic and too true! I was watching The Sixth Sense the other day and started crying. Even though I’ve seen that movie a million times before. I cry at the drop of a hat even when I’m not PMSing. When my period comes around, I cry ALL THE TIME!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahaha love this. I’ve been waiting patiently for seven damn weeks right now and although I really don’t “want” it, I do want it because I can’t stop thinking “What the heck is wrong with me?” Maybe I should come hang out with you and sync up. I could use a good cry.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Come on over, and let my ovaries jump start yours into a horrible week of agony.
      7 weeks! That’s quite a long time. You’re probably living in fear. carrying around stuff “JUST” in case.
      PS stay away from white pants …just in case!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hahaha oh my gosh I know. I have white pants that I wear when I work out and I haven’t worn them in weeks! I started running two months ago, so I think that’s the cause of this lack of ovulation.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. So accurate. Periods are the bane to womanhood; nothing good comes out of feeling like shit for a week. I feel your pain. I wrote about my thoughts on it a while ago, so if you’re interested, check it out! https://thefinickycynicat.wordpress.com/2014/04/13/curse-you-period-cramps/

    …also, I found this fantastic post from another blogger who turned her thoughts on periods into a hilarious dialogue beween herself and menstrual cramps. I encourage you to read it! https://thatweirdbrowngirl.wordpress.com/2016/01/15/tea-time-with-my-period-part-2/

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is literally my life that you have summarised perfectly! Also, yes to people talking about periods more, I literally laughed out loud *enthusiastic applause interrupted by crying with emotion*

    Like

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