This post was alternatively titled, “Gift ideas for kids so that they don’t grow up to be assholes.”
It can be tough to buy for the little’uns at Christmas. There are so many gadgets and thingamajigs and hot new toys, it’s very possible that you’ll be trampled to death inside of a Toys R’ US while hunting for the perfect gift of Madison and Madisyn.
Since I’m not a parent, I get to sleep in on Christmas morning, and don’t have to live with a disappointed child who didn’t get everything they wanted on Christmas.
I’ve picked up several tricks being an Aunt and I’m here to share my wisdom with you:
Never buy clothes for children that aren’t yours. It’s a complete waste of money ; they grow so damn fast. By the time the Madison’s open their present they’ve probably grown three inches and your gift needs to be returned or exchanged for something else.
While we’re at it, never buy toys for children that aren’t yours, either. You’re just going to enable them to be greedy little runts, and by December 28th your gift will be cast aside to a dark corner of the basement, and eventually donated to the Salvation Army. Cut out the middle man, and donate to a child in need.
What you SHOULD do, is buy children books. It’s important to nurture a love of reading at an early age, and to all those parents with their nightime routines, a good book can do wonders in lulling your child off to dreamland.
Let’s face it, if children are the future, I would rather the next generation not be complete assholes. It’s inevitable that someone out there is going to raise an asshole, but I’d rather that asshole be literate and quoting Goethe to me while being a complete dick.
Here’s a suggestion from Auntie Bib:
Gift a book you loved as a child, and write a message on the inside of the book cover explaining what you loved about the book, and what you hope the child learns from the story.
If you REALLY want to hit a homer and school these kids on life lessons, write a few questions at the end of the book for the child and their parent (or whomever is reading the book) to discuss.
These are some books I feel like all children should have in their library!