“All guys want a virgin. If you can get a girl that’s untouched, you marry her.” I was sitting with my guy friends sipping a mediocre cup of tea, listening to Marcus explain the Holy Grail of the fairer sex. “You want to be the only guy your girl has ever been with.”
I smiled. “That’s absolute bullshit.”
“Not at all, that’s the truth.” Marcus replied with confidence. “Nobody wants a girl with high mileage.”
I mentally ran through the list of “Must Haves” Marcus and Roman had imparted to me. According to them, the ideal woman had to cook, clean, want children, produce children, stay in some sort of physical shape after birthing the aforementioned children, but now she had to have a fully intact hymen, too?
You would think by now my blood would be boiling, but after nearly a year of exposure to conversations like this, I’ve become incredibly immune to their stupidity. I almost take pleasure in it. Like I said, it’s like watching apes in their natural habitat.
“Riddle me this,” I asked the table. “When you’re out and about hooking up with girls, are you thinking, ‘I’ve got to keep my mileage low for my future wife?'”
I was met with a tither of laughter from Marcus. “It’s a double standard, I know, but it’s true. I’m just being honest.”
“I wouldn’t want my future wife to have had sex with like, 20 people, or have been in several long term relationships.” Roman, the devout Catholic of the group added to no one in particular.
Is 20 a lot of people?
In our group, I’m the youngest at 28. Everyone else is in their mid 30’s, and aside from Ken, still single. If the average person has been sexually active from the age of …say…17, and hadn’t been in any serious or long-term relationships, was it unreasonable to believe that by the age of 30, said person was having sex with at least 2 people per year?*
WHAT ARE WE? MONKS?
Marcus decided to turn the tables on the conversation, “Would you ever have sex with a guy who told you he was a virgin? No, you probably wouldn’t. The double standard is real.”
Always needing a backstory, I pushed for more details. “Maybe, I said. Why is he a virgin? Is he waiting until marriage? Is this for religious reasons? Because if it is, that’s a hands-down no.”
“Why not?” asked Roman, the Pope’s representative in Canada.
“Because that would mean we have different beliefs and values. Why would I waste someone’s time if they were upfront with how they live their life? ”
Unsatisfied (just like my imaginary religious suitor), the guys shook their heads at my unwillingness to prove their point.
This was obviously a prime example of patriarchal thinking. Using the word ‘mileage’ to compare women to cars, something that can be acquired as a possession.
What confused me even more, was the idea that these guys were actively engaging with women who weren’t “wife material” but still expected their untouched, virginal spouse to be existing somewhere in the universe going about her day sewing buttons on clothing. Were they not just “ruining” these women for their future husbands?
Were they aware that they were talking to a woman who can’t cook, is on the fence about procreation and who most likely broke her hymen in a bike riding accident when she was a kid?
Listen folks, what I do, who I do, or who I don’t do is none of your GD business. I’m not judging anyone. Do you. Do him. Do the whole football team, I really don’t care. You should never feel bad about your sexuality and sexual history or lack thereof.
What do you think we can do to help rid the world of this kind of sexist, antiquated thinking? Is it too late for these guys? Do all men think this way?
Tell me what you think!
* Note: I have not had 20 partners but fingers crossed!