The other day, I sat down to tea with my guy friends and they let me in on a tidbit of information that is apparently well known among the male population: Never, ever, marry the hot girl.
Before we go any further, you should know that these are actually REALLY sweet guys, but sometimes they say the dumbest, most appalling tripe I’ve ever heard.
I tried to maintain my composure, keep my cuss words to a minimum, but of course, asked them to elaborate.
Marcus, the laid back, well groomed, fashion obsessed member of the group, took the lead. “The hot girl is going to make your life miserable,” he said. “Date her, but right after you break-up with her, start dating someone average, still pretty, but you know. Not as pretty. That girl’s going to go above and beyond for you because she has to. ”
I reached for my cellphone, pretended to text and immediately began taking notes for this blog post. “What do you mean, above and beyond?”
Marcus continued, “The average girl’s going to cook and clean and have your kids. She’s not concerned with staying beautiful forever. She’s wife material.”
Bullshit or honesty? I kept pushing. “Don’t you think that your wife should be the most beautiful woman in the world to you? Shouldn’t you think she’s actually the Hot Girl?”
Sensing my growing frustrations, my co-worker Roman, interjected. “Oh, nobody’s saying that you don’t love your wife, or think she’s beautiful. You fall in love with her personality, and that makes her even more beautiful.”
“But she’s just not the hottest, that you physically have ever been with,” Marcus added. “She’s great, but she brings something else to the table.”
This is where I should mention that both Marcus and Roman are single. Our married friend, Chris, sat further down the table shaking his head in disbelief, quietly laughing at our conversation.
“This is ridiculous.” I told them.
“Do me a favor,”Marcus said smiling. “Next time you’re at the mall, look at the left hand of every hot girl you see. There will be no ring. Then, look at the other girls, they’ll all be married or engaged.”
I was in disbelief but intrigued. I admit, I’ve never really dated any guy that I thought followed traditional definitions of “hot.” I’ve dated good-looking guys, but not guys that could be mistaken for male models. I have an innate distrust of really good-looking people or “hot” guys , maybe because I don’t believe they would ever be interested in me, or that I wouldn’t be enough to keep their attention. There’s always going to be someone prettier, better looking, hotter – and all that jazz.
Were the guys just (poorly) describing the same type of insecurity?
“Everyone wants the hot girl,” Marcus continued, obviously enjoying the ability to espouse his wisdom to the opposite sex. “She knows it. She likes the attention, and there’s always going to be someone trying to take her.”
There it was, insecurity rearing it’s ugly head.
I nodded, more or less agreeing with everything they weren’t saying. What began as a shallow conversation turned into a glimpse into what we all have in common: fear that someone’s going to affirm the idea that we aren’t “good enough.”
I could easily take this conversation at face value and think these guys are witless d*cks, but maybe this was just a glimpse into someone’s heartache history. To come up with this “rule” there must have been a girl who broke their heart, right?
Or, could this simply be a matter of discovering that looks aren’t everything? No matter how “hot” someone is, there’s more to a partnership than physical attraction. My favorite adage is the crass, “For every Supermodel, there’s a guy that’s tired of f*cking her.”
The Hot Girl is subjective. The Average Girl is subjective. Diff’rent Strokes for Diff’rent folks. Are there any hard and fast rules for dating, or are there just lessons we’ve learned that we should keep to ourselves unless articulately expressed?
Am I being to kind in trying to look beneath the shallow surface of this conversation?
What do you think? Tell me in the comments below.