Never Marry the Hot Girl

The other day, I sat down to tea with my guy friends  and they let me in on a tidbit of information that is apparently well known among the male population: Never, ever, marry the hot girl.

Before we go any further, you should know that these are actually REALLY sweet guys, but sometimes they say the dumbest, most appalling tripe I’ve ever heard.

I tried to maintain my composure, keep my cuss words to a minimum, but of course, asked them to elaborate.

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Marcus, the laid back, well groomed, fashion obsessed member of the group, took the lead. “The hot girl is going to make your life miserable,” he said. “Date her, but right after you break-up with her, start dating someone average, still pretty, but you know. Not as pretty. That girl’s going to go above and beyond for you because she has to. ”

I reached for my cellphone, pretended to text and immediately began taking notes for this blog post. “What do you mean, above and beyond?”

Marcus continued, “The average girl’s going to cook and clean and have your kids. She’s not concerned with staying beautiful forever. She’s wife material.”

Bullshit or honesty? I kept pushing. “Don’t you think that your wife should be the most beautiful woman in the world to you? Shouldn’t you think she’s actually the Hot Girl?”

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Sensing my growing frustrations, my co-worker Roman, interjected. “Oh, nobody’s saying that you don’t love your wife, or think she’s beautiful. You fall in love with her personality, and that makes her even more beautiful.”

“But she’s just not the hottest, that you physically have ever been with,” Marcus added. “She’s great, but she brings something else to the table.”

This is where I should mention that both Marcus and Roman are single. Our married friend, Chris, sat further down the table shaking his head in disbelief, quietly laughing at our conversation.

“This is ridiculous.” I told them.

“Do me a favor,”Marcus said smiling. “Next time you’re at the mall, look at the left hand of every hot girl you see. There will be no ring. Then, look at the other girls,  they’ll all be married or engaged.”

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I was in disbelief but intrigued. I admit,  I’ve never really dated any guy that I thought followed traditional definitions of “hot.” I’ve  dated good-looking guys,  but not guys that could be mistaken for  male models. I have an innate distrust of really good-looking people or “hot” guys , maybe because I don’t believe they would ever be interested in me, or that I wouldn’t be enough to keep their attention. There’s always going to be someone prettier, better looking, hotter – and all that jazz.

Were the guys just (poorly) describing the same type of insecurity?

“Everyone wants the hot girl,” Marcus continued, obviously enjoying the ability to espouse his wisdom to the opposite sex. “She knows it. She likes the attention, and there’s always going to be someone trying to take her.”

There it was, insecurity rearing it’s ugly head.

I nodded, more or less agreeing with everything they weren’t saying. What began as a shallow conversation turned into a glimpse into what we all have in common: fear that someone’s going to affirm the idea that we aren’t “good enough.”

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I could easily take this conversation at face value and think these guys are witless d*cks, but maybe this was just a glimpse into someone’s heartache history. To come up with this “rule” there must have been a girl who broke their heart, right?

Or, could this simply be a  matter of discovering that looks aren’t everything?  No matter how “hot” someone is, there’s more to a partnership than physical attraction.  My favorite adage is the crass, “For every Supermodel, there’s a guy that’s tired of f*cking her.”

The Hot Girl is subjective. The Average Girl is subjective.  Diff’rent Strokes for Diff’rent folks. Are there any hard and fast rules for dating, or are there just lessons we’ve learned that we should keep to ourselves unless articulately expressed?

Am I being to kind in trying to look beneath the shallow surface of this conversation?

What do you think? Tell me in the comments below.









  1. The worst comment I have received is you are too pretty to be single. I didn’t know you had to look a certain way to be single or taken? It kinda bothers me when guys say that to me. They don’t know the reasons why I am single. I get tons of crazy objectifying messages day in day out from guys, which I can see why a lot of these guys that message me are still single.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My best friend and I recently had a similar conversation. She has a coworker that we literally refer to as Beautiful Bryan. We both agreed that we don’t know if we could handle dating someone that good looking. It’s too intimidating. So I see where they’re coming from without the sexist “she’ll cook for me, clean for me, and have my kids” thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Beautiful Bryan!
      I love that. I love that SO much.
      Yeah the guys in my office just need to learn when to stop talking. They can make valid points but then they say something and all I can think is, “you ruined it.”

      Liked by 1 person

  3. They may have said it in a slightly offensive, sexist way, but I hate to say I agree with them. I have never dated the ‘hot’ guy, good looking guys yea, but never the hot guy. Because the hot guy brings drama and insecurities. Particularly when I was younger and boys were silly and stupid the hot guy was always cheating on his girlfriend, because he knew he was hot and could get anyone he wanted. Never trust the hot guy! Unless he is a hot guy that doesn’t know he is hot – like maybe a hot guy that used to be really fat? LOL there are all sorts of offensive statements getting thrown around in this comment.


    Liked by 1 person

  4. I wouldn’t say NEVER marry the hot girl, but in general, hot girls don’t usually provide what men are looking for in a wife, as your male friends believed. If a hot girl DOES provide what men want in a wife, then she is certainly a diamond in the rough.

    I’ve dated a variety of girls from different social backgrounds and nationalities and I can mostly agree with this. The hottest/most successful girls I’ve been with were utterly nowhere NEAR wife material. I wouldn’t want them around my kids (and most of them didn’t want kids, anyway). I shudder to imagine what would have happened if I’d wifed up any of them. By the same token, the very few sweetest, most loving girls I’ve known have (usually) been the ones who would never be described by the word “hot”—in fact, a few of them might be called “ugly” or “overweight”, but they sure had stunning hearts. I’m currently dating one. She has a couple bad teeth, but her smile lights up a room, she’s super intelligent, etc. I’ve never adored or admired a woman more. 🙂

    And (sort of in response to Am I Thirty?) this is coming from a guy’s perspective, and while I can see how it *might* sound sexist, I don’t think it’s too degrading to women to desire a wife who’d be happy to take care of your house and kids while you’re putting in 55 hours of work in the cubicle every week. If anything, As you say, different stroke for different folks. And since prehistoric times, that’s what wives have been doing: nursing children, gathering berries and sweeping dust out of the cave while the men are out running naked through the forest (well, maybe with a loincloth and sandals) with spears, risking their lives to hunt boars to cook and feed the tribe. I doubt women were chomping at the bit to go boar hunting back in 3000 BC. Men want what they want for good reason: hundreds of thousands of years of evolution can’t be reversed in one generation.

    Also, the mall thing is so true. I see some pretty good looking men with overweight, unattractive women, and both of them have rings on. I almost never, ever see an extremely hot woman (like a 9 or 10) with a ring on her finger. If I do, the ring usually has an utterly gargantuan diamond in it that makes me ask *doesn’t that woman’s hand get sore from bearing the weight of that gigantic rock on her hand all day long!?* and also ask *Does she REALLY need a piece of compressed carbon that big to feel like her husband actually loves her?* And usually such a woman is—most ironically—walking *alone* in the mall. Interesting, if you think about it…

    Of course, like I said, never say never, but in general, that’s what I observe.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I appreciate your input! Beauty, for sure is relative. I think it’s limiting to say “Wife Material” but as you say, that’s a male perspective of what they’re looking for, and even though I might fully agree with what someone wants, I can’t fault them for liking what they like.
      I just dislike this separation of desire vs. what would be the right word… practicality?


      1. I’m glad you weren’t upset by my post. I have a (somewhat) irrational fear of pissing people off, sometimes.

        My use of “wife material” may sound a bit objectifying at first glance, but it’s merely a figure of speech for “embodying the traits I’d look for in someone that I’d want to spend the rest of my life with”. And of course there is “husband material” and “girlfriend material” and “best friend material” and so on.

        What do you mean by the separation of desire vs practicality? You mean the (general, but not universal) perceived inverse relationship between attractiveness and relationship material/potential?

        If so, I can tell you that I don’t like such a separation either. I WANT my wife to be the hottest, sexiest, most friendly, most dedicated, kindest, sweetest, most patient woman in the world, and I want her to be good in bed and have a high sex drive, and all that. I don’t want there to be a separation between the physical and the relationship potential either.

        The problem is that there are simply not that many women on this planet that embody all those traits. (And there aren’t that many tall, hot, muscular, successful men with a great sense of humor and who last more than 5 minutes either).

        So it’s not like we men are “creating” that separation by our opinions. We are more just “observing it”.

        Hope I’m not blabbing your ear off!


  5. I dated and actually married the hottest/sexiest girl i ever got and it was the worst mistake of my life. Although the sex was amazing in every way, everything else in the relationship was all about her. Narcissistic and always worried about the wrong things, could care less for other people.
    Usually the hottest people never get told no and if they do get told no they just find the yes from someone else.
    I agree to never date the hottest woman, its just a huge headache that you’re better off without. Marry a cute good girl with a good heart who wouldnt be afraid to get a little dirty, break a nail or worry about getting her hair wet


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