Some people have football, some people hockey, I have awards shows.
Last night the American Music Awards, hosted by Jennifer Lopez, was a three hour non-stop variety show that began with JLo performing a booty shaking routine to the year’s hottest songs. I can’t hate on JLo (anymore) – she seems like a sweet boss babe, but she’s next level famous. What the f*ck is she doing hosting an awards show on network television?
Anyways. Jennifer changed a whopping ten times throughout the night and paraded around the stage with a smile on her face, talked about living her dream and her truth and it was like a Tony Robin’s seminar with a smokey eye.
The show was MEH. Winners were based on fan votes, so you knew ahead of time that if the artist was in the audience, there’s a good chance they were going to win. There were some peeps on Twitter getting their gitch in a twist because Taylor Swift wasn’t named Artist of the Year, but again – Taylor’s too busy with the 1989 World Tour to have awkward run-ins with her ex, Harry Styles. WHICH IS ALL ANYONE WOULD HAVE TALKED ABOUT. By anyone, I mean me (I still have hope for those two).
Ok. Let’s be petty and shallow and talk about clothes.
From the neck up, perfection. Neck down, looks like she got stuck putting on some pantyhose, said “f*ck it” and decided to go out in public. I never understood this see-thru dress trend because of the bullet-proof Nonna full back underwear. I thought we were supposed to hide those from guys and only wear them on period days or when we need a little bit of a tuck-in?
Best dressed of the night, ladies and gentlemen! Can’t go wrong with Givenchy! This dress is sparkly, shows a LOT of skin (the back is completely open) and makes Selena look like a million bucks to distract us from her mediocre singing. I love that she wore this while her ex, Justin Bieber dressed like he stocks shoes at Pacsun. Make him suffer, girl! Well done.
Best legs in the biz, kids. Carrie looks like a Good Witch of the North at the club. It’s pretty and ethereal and yet a little bad-ass at the same time. You know that I will NEVER sass Carrie, and luckily with fashion choices like this I don’t have to. XO. Love it.
Okay, I know there was a lot of buzz about his suit looking like it was made out of an Ikea duvet, but I LOVE this look on Harry. It’s so IDGAF, which is just what I like in my greasy haired boy band members. Plus, if there’s anyone who wants to give him shit about this look, I’ll just reply, “It’s Gucci.” He knows how to stand out in a crowd, see? Now all we’re looking at is Harry and his floral suit. Top notch, Styles.
Not all Bae’s were winner’s last night, and Nick Jonas looking like a hot piece of belly button fluff was unfortunately a fashion fail in my books. It just looked like he was wearing 100% wool or felt, and was sweating profusely underneath his clothing (prove it! amirite?) I think what ruins it for me is the monochrome look, the turtleneck and the orthopedic house slippers that he’s wearing. He’s still super attractive, but it’s like a cruel joke that he’s trying to test the limits of my affection. The limit is the turtleneck, babe. We need some space.
This is just one of the 10 looks J Lo wore last night at the AMAs. I’d like to thank her for motivating me to hit the treadmill. After watching her opening dance number, I immediately put down my cookies, and jumped on the treadmill for a 45 minute run. Seriously. HER BODY IS RIDICULOUS. This isn’t really a dress, more like, a makeshift garb from fabric scraps, but it’s all held in so well without any jiggle!
Brava, JLo. You’re better than us all. We get it.
Who was your best dressed last night? Worst dressed?