Let’s Discuss: Halle Berry and Gwen Stefani

This is kitchen table talk. It’s rainy and miserable for the second day in a row here in the GTA  (Greater Toronto Area) and I’m sipping a hot tea. Which means…. we need to talk trash about celebrities as if they’re our friends.

Halle Berry files for divorce from Olivier Martinez…

This is Halle’s THIRD divorce and second baby-daddy. She’s 49 years old. Personally I find her a little boring, and I can tell she’s been hurting for work lately because really, what was the last GOOD Halle Berry movie? Monster’s Ball? Did anyone even see Monster’s Ball or do you just know about it because she won the Oscar for it. Personally, I think her best work was BAPS (Black American Princesses), everything else is just a paycheck.

Halle Berry is gorgeous, but I feel like a real bitch because everyone’s like “Oh, how does she keep in such good shape?”

Really? Do some research. She’s diabetic. She has no choice but to leave chocolate alone. That’s just being smart.

Do you ever have that friend who’s really pretty and successful but for whatever reason, sucks at love?

I do. Her name’s Jennifer Lopez.

giphy

These two are kind of on the same level here. Both have three divorces under their belt, both are successful in their own right, with two babies at home. I think there’s GOT to be something shady about Jennifer and Halle. They need therapy or Jesus, because whatever they’re doing relationship wise, just isn’t working.

I think Halle needs a break from men, and needs to focus on getting a job worth a Golden Globe or at LEAST an Emmy.

Priorities, girl.

Another girl we go way back with, Gwen Stefani, is making the rounds with shitty music about her divorce. Yes, I called it shitty. Because you know what? It’s shitty. It’s NOWHERE as good as “What You Waiting For” or “Cool”.

Gwen finalized her divorce from Gavin Rossdale this week and has been doing promo for The Voice with her co-stars on any and every talk show in the Western world.

Have you seen the video for  “Used To Love You”?

Painful. Cringe worthy.

She’s beautiful, offbeat and an icon for our times (No Doubt was everything to me back in the 90s), but she’s either got to hire better song writers or start hanging around Taylor Swift, because her new music is disappointing.

Gwen’s not… she’s just… she looks hungry. Maybe if the rumors of her and Blake Shelton hooking up are true he can get her to indulge in a rack of ribs or something. Let her roots grow in. Slam a few beers back.

She needs to mix it up because 2005 stuff isn’t working for 2015.

Girls. Take a break. Focus on work. Binge watch Gilmore Girls and have a wallow day.

Wow, I sound so mean these days. But I’m not, I swear I’m just so tired. Hence the tea, and smack talk.

Ok, what do you think?

Let’s discuss these newly single ladies. What should they do next? What shouldn’t they do? Who should they date?

SPILL!

Advertisements

12 comments

  1. I’ve got a theory…J.Lo and Halle Berry are both Leo’s. Leo’s essentially are successful people who suck at love. They win awards and have tons of money but can’t hold onto a marriage. that’s what I think lol.

    Gwen Stefani, let me tell you how much I hate that new song, the video was so cheap and so bad. Seriously she needs to work with Pharrell again and reproduce the magic that was Love.Angel.Music.Baby.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Obviously you’ve forgotten about Halle Berry’s two best works- the secretary in the live action Flintstone movie and, hello, Catwoman. 😒

    Is JLo still with Kindergarten Kasper?(is that even his name?) Call me crazy but I like them together. Very Mrs. Robinson.

    Gwen Stefani.. eh. Hang out with your kids, maybe have a play date with Christina Aguilera to compare divorce settlements. Maybe it’s time to focus on your clothing line? #justasuggestion

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s