Month: September 2015

Bad touch: Why Lululemon’s new fit is giving me all kinds of the wiggins

Let’s start this post by getting one thing out of the way:

I don’t own anything by Lululemon, nor do I participate in extracurricular activities that would warrant me to spend an obscene amount of money on active wear.

It’s overpriced and it’s against everything I believe in (physical health and fitness) .

That being said…

I stumbled across a post on Jezebel today about a new line of clothing by the yoga inspired brand, called Sensation Innovation. The line of active wear is intended to offer you a different fit of clothing, ranging from tight, naked, relaxed, held-in, and finally the one that creeps me out the most, hugged.

That’s right, hugged.  The brand’s website says,

We engineer our Hugged Sensation to feel like a comfortable embrace from a close friend. These classic styles provide a consistent compression experience throughout a range of tight-fitting silhouettes to keep you feeling poised and balanced throughout your workout (and, let’s be real, your day).

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The absolute best part is the fact they stipulated that the hug was from a close friend.

Not a bear hug from a frat boy

Not a bad touch from a hands-y uncle

Not a one-two-three- pat on the back from a friend with intimacy issues

Not even a limp-noodle hug or side hug from one of the Duggars.

Nope, you slip these pants on and you’ll automatically feel like your best friend is hugging your ass, keeping it up and tight and like it had a shoulder to cry on, if asses could cry (which they might after a night of chicken vindaloo).

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HOW IS THIS A THING?!?!

Personally, there are two types clothing I wear: I like my pants to cut off the circulation to my lower limbs and keep my cheese hidden from the world and I like my tops to hide my inevitable food baby after I take so much as a sip of tea.

That’s it. Flowy tops, skinny pants.  I’ve never thought about wanting to feel like my midsection or leggings are giving me a friendly, supportive squeeze or wanted to feel like I’m not wearing clothes at all.

Always clothes, ok?

Is this what happens when you take up yoga? You automatically have a ridiculously large expendable income on friendly pat on the back pants?

Do you own anything by Lululemon?

Tell me what you think. Is it just me being weirded out by the wording, or are you getting the wiggins as well?

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Friday Five: Welcome to Fall!

I think this might be the first time (in a long time) that I’m actually excited for the holidays. Not Christmas, you freaks. Thanksgiving and Halloween!
It’s too soon to be thinking about Halloween. It shows incredible disrespect for Autumn and all it has to offer. There’s such a small window of time where the leaves are red and yellow and beautiful before they fall to the ground. Savor it! Give it it’s moment! On December 1st you are more than welcome to throw up your Christmas tree and tinsel n’ shit, but until then SHOW SOME RESPECT.
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I’m excited for Halloween this year because my nieces are a little bit older and at the age where costumes are EVERYTHING. Kudos to my sisters for not telling the girls what they’re being for Halloween until closer to the 31st. Your valiant attempt to maintain calm in the household is admirable.
This year I don’t have any Halloween party plans, so I won’t be dressing up. However, my cousin and I have signed up for a ghost tour on Halloween night. We’re morbid that way. We also love cemeteries, empaths, mediums, postmortem photography and child ghosts.
It’s going to be amazing.
Here are five things to get you feelin’ festive and ready for fall!

1.  Bath and Body Works Candles

I can’t bake to save my life, and I don’t like pumpkin spice lattes. To get my fix of fall, I like to buy scented candles from Bath and Body works.
Apple Pumpkin Pancake!
Sweater Weather!
Salted Caramel!
Yummy. And no baking required.
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Pumpkin Pie! $22.50 for 3 wick candle, or 2 for $24

Click here to check out more scents!

2. Post Mortem Photography

I touched on this earlier, this is something my cousin and I both find eerily fascinating. During the Victorian-era it was common for photographers to take portraits of the dead and give to grieving families as keepsakes. Creepy, right?
If you’re brave enough to take a look at some post-mortem portraits, click here.

3. Ghost Stories!

I love a good podcast. I also like to be scared shitless by ghost stories. A Ghost Story podcast? Perfect.
If you’re looking to freak yourself out and hear true tales of hauntings, go to Podbay.fm to listen to Real Ghost Stories Online, a podcast dedicated to true spooky stories.

4. Hocus Pocus!

Tell that virgin to light the black flame candle! It’s officially Hocus Pocus viewing season.  I’m slightly obsessed with this movie, and watch it every year before Halloween. Every. Single. Year.
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Oh, the Nostalgia!
Every year there’s rumors of a Hocus Pocus remake or sequel, but I personally hope this never happens. You don’t mess with perfection.

5. Something for the poets…

Have you ever been rendered speechless by the beautiful fall foliage?
These people haven’t. Here are some gems from famous writers about our favourite time of year.

“Autumn is a second spring, when every leaf is a flower.”

– Albert Camus

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.”

– Lucy Maude Montgomery

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“No spring nor summer beauty hath such grace as I have seen in one autumnal face.”

– John Donne

“Autumn…the year’s last, loveliest smile.”

– William Cullen Bryant

Go and enjoy the loveliness before the snow falls!
See you on Monday 🙂
xoxo

Up close & personal : My top 25 songs on iTunes

I’ve always believed my top 25 songs on iTunes could be used by professionals to psychoanalyze my life. With a commute that takes roughly an hour and a half each way, I spend a LOT of time in my car listening to music. I’m convinced my iTunes frequently played playlist tells someone all they need to know about me (the good, the bad, the ugly).

Have you ever met someone, like a really cute guy, and he asks, “What type of music do you listen to?” And for a brief moment you have to decide to tell the truth and say you spend 99% of your time listening to Katy Perry or should you be breezy and name drop Halsey.

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I know my tastes in music/movies/TV is a boner killer. But at 28, I just don’t give AF anymore. So, I decided to put it all out there and let y’all get to know the REAL me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with my musical soul!

25. Good for You – Selena Gomez (feat. A$AP Rocky)

I really have no excuse for this one. It took me by surprise too. See? You’re already judging me.

24. Let Me See Ya Girl – Cole Swindell

23. When the Stars Go Blue – Tyler Hilton & Bethany Joy Lenz

From One Tree Hill! Seriously. This post is already a horrible idea.

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22. Spring Breakdown – Luke Bryan

21. Cool for the Summer – Demi Lovato

Just unfriend me right now.

20. Wide Awake – Katy Perry

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19. Girl Crush – Little Big Town

18. Too Little, Too Late – Jojo

2005 Y’all! I was a high school senior when this song was released.

17. Little Red Wagon – Miranda Lambert

Sassy Miranda is the only Miranda.

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16. Teenage Dream – Katy Perry

My favourite pop song of all time

15. Clint Eastwood – Jessie James Decker

14. First – Cold War Kids

See? I’m cool. Ish. I’m cool-ish!

13. Roar – Katy Perry

The Go-To song when you’re feeling like garbage.

12. I Really Like You – Carly Rae Jepsen

I have no idea where this one came from.

11. Leave the Night On – Sam Hunt

#Swoon

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HERE WE GO TOP TEN!

10. Sangria – Blake Shelton

A damn sexy song.

9. House Party – Sam Hunt

#SwoonAgain

8. I Look So Good (Without You) – Jessie James Decker

The ultimate song to get over someone who broke your heart. Girls, download it. Put it on repeat.

7. Hot – Avril Lavigne

Not surprising. I’m Canadian.

6. Lights Down Low – Jessie James Decker

So much, Jessie. So little time

5. Smoke Break – Carrie Underwood

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4. Hey Y’all – Cole Swindell

3. Wildest Dreams – Taylor Swift

The best song on the entire album. I’ve said it a million times. I heart it.

2. Home Alone Tonight – Luke Bryan (feat.Karen Fairchild)

… and the number one song on my iTunes, out of 800 songs….

Bad Blood – Taylor Swift feat. Kendrick Lamar

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(Because I needed to learn Kendrick’s part, and I still don’t have it down pat.)

Now that you know I’m a pop-country teen queen, let me know your top 25!

All Things Britney Lee

The Finicky Cynic

Hey Meghan

Elizabeth Kara

I’m tagging some of my friends, but if you feel like taking the challenge and exposing your true musical self, link back to me so I can learn more about you!

Let’s Discuss: Emmy fashion!

The Emmy’s!

Does anyone even watch awards shows anymore? I don’t. I live for red carpets and die a small death when it comes to awards shows. If it’s not hosted by Tina or Amy, GTFO.

That being said, let’s start our week off right: With some pretty dresses!

The scale: I’m judging based on vodka soda’s. This is my go-to drink otherwise known as a “Skinny Bitch”.

The BEST dressed of the night will get the holy grail of 5 Vodka Soda’s out of 5. That’s as many drinks it takes for me to think I’m Kim Kardashian.

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Here we go!

Here are my picks for best dressed on the Emmy red carpet:

Naomi Watts wearing Dior Haute Couture

Oh, Naomi. It’s so true about wanting what you can’t have. Even though I’m an olive skinned Mowgli Jungle Book lookalike, I go nuts over fair haired light skinned beauties like Naomi Watts. Her Dior looked fresh, pretty and glamorous amongst the dark hues and the long dresses on the red carpet.

I love, love, love the length of this dress. It’s youthful and weather appropriate (I see you, California temperatures).

Naomi loses points for her messy hair. I would have loved to have seen her hair down or slicked back. Never tendrils. Never.

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Lady Gaga wearing Brandon Maxwell

I measure my life in black dresses, which is why I was losing my shit when Gaga appeared on the red carpet looking like a bona fide movie star (among TV stars). I also love that Gaga wore a dress designed by her real life BFF, Brandon Maxwell. If you’re an Instagram stalker and you legit think that Gaga’s your best friend (like I do) then you know last week the singer played assistant to her friend during New York Fashion Week, working behind the scenes to make his show a success.

I love that Gaga’s keeping it simple with the hair and make-up, but I’m taking one Vodka Soda away because I would have loved a really great bracelet or just a little more bling.

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Taylor Schilling wearing Stella McCartney

I may loathe Piper on Orange is the New Black, but I adore Taylor Schilling on the red carpet. Yellow seemed to be a popular colour last night, but in my humble/basic bitch opinion, nobody wore it better than Taylor!

The hair, the lip, the interesting neckline? I’m foaming at the mouth.

I’m taking away half a vodka soda because I want the dress to be a smidgeon longer, but I’m giving her look 4.5 vodka soda’s out of 5.

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Kerry Washington wearing Marc Jacobs

I am not mad at this sexy Joan of Arc look she’s serving on the red carpet. I love the length, that it’s not overly feminine and that it’s got a 3/4 sleeve. Y’all know I LOVE A 3/4 SLEEVE! Kerry stood out in a sea of floor length gowns (or not so floor length, amirite Taylor?)

I’m giving Kerry 5/5 Vodka Sodas! We have a Winner!

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Those are my picks for the Best Dressed! Who were you loving?

Tell me in the comments below!

Cheers!

Surprise! I’m a Mommy

Actually I’m a Godmother. It’s basically the same thing. Except I get to sleep at night and get to swoop in for unlimited cuddles whenever I feel like it  (which is all the time).
A few months ago, my best friend/sister/soul-mate Marie and her husband, Nathan, asked me to be the godmother to their daughter, Evie. I was overcome with emotion and went into the ugliest cry of happy tears.
Last Sunday we celebrated Evie’s baptism and our bond was made official!  I love my nieces tremendously and becoming an aunt (3 times!) changed my life in the best way possible. Being asked to be someone’s godmother takes everything to the next level.
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    I THINK this means, that if something were to happen to Marie and Nathan, I would (obviously) become legal guardians of their daughters. Thus, setting myself up for the plot of the best romantic comedy of all time. I’m already living the first half of a romantic comedy: Single career woman resigns herself to life alone with bottles of wine and cats, when all of a sudden she becomes a single “mom” of two.

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Throwback Thursday: Pop Princess edition

My first throwback post counted down the top heartthrobs of the 90s. It was Tiger Beat magazine’s hall of fame; Leo, Nick Carter, Taylor Hanson.

However much I may I have obsessed over these blond haired prepubescent babes, I argue that it was the women of the 90’s that shaped me into the person I’ve become  (blame them, it’s their fault).

The Pop Princesses taught us how to shimmy and shake, to believe in Girl Power and to NEVER underestimate the power of a coordinated outfit with your bestie.

Here we go, the top 5 Pop Princesses of the 90’s/2000’s !

5. Destiny’s Child

Beyoncé is a legend. We know this. So, why did I rank the vehicle that shot Bey to superstardom at number five?

Because these couldn’t get their shit straight and kept changing group members!

I don’t blame the members of DC’s past for bailing on the group- it’s got to be hard to live in Beyoncé’s bedazzled shadow.

We had Latoya, Farrah…someone else… I forget who else. The point is, they fell into nothingness (everything that’s not on my radar).

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These were simpler times. When Beyoncé ate Popeye’s, Tina Knowles designed each outfit, and Kelly had those god awful red highlights. THE WAY WE WERE!

Beyoncé and Kelly taught us that family is not always related to you by blood, and that real friends support you and let you have the spotlight.

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Get out of here, Miss America! (But leave the crown)

Last night was the Miss America pageant.

Of course, I didn’t watch. I’m too feminist high brow for that (obviously). BUT, Cosmopolitan, the sex Bible magazine, live tweeted the entire broadcast.

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First of all, I think the fact that Miss America and pageants still exist is a mixed message to women and men everywhere. This past week, the internet was up in arms over a comedian’s shitty video about fat-shaming but then two seconds later 50 stick thin body flow classmates are parading around a stage in dental floss using Vaseline to treat their twat rash and keep their smiles nice and wide (just please wash your hands in between applications).

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Where were you September 11, 2001?

It’s a question we often ask each other the way our grandparents ask one another, “Where were you when JFK was shot?”

In 2001, I had just entered high school and was lost on my way to the washroom. I was in the stairwell retracing my steps back to my classroom, when two boys appeared at the top of the stairs.

One of them was visibly upset and told his friend, “A plane just flew into the building!”

“Did you see it?” the other boy asked.

“It was on TV!”  replied the first.

I didn’t know what they were talking about, but the seriousness in his voice made curious. By the time I made my way back to class, my teacher had turned on the television to CNN, where we watched in disbelief as smoke billowed from the World Trade Center. Minutes later, there were cries from my classmates as we watched another plane fly into the second tower.

Around me there were girls crying, teenage boys sat quietly, mouths agape, while my teacher sat paralyzed in his desk holding his head in his hands.

When the periods changed, students spoke animatedly to their friends in the hallways, rushing to their next class to get in front of a television.

My second class was an introduction to computer programs like PowerPoint and Excel. My teacher absolutely refused to turn on the television for the class. We took our seats in front of our desktops and continued our lesson when a man I had never seen before, burst through the classroom.

“Turn on your TV!” he yelled at my teacher. She began to protest but the man moved to the television and began searching the channels for the news. “Who cares what you think?” he told her, “This is history!”

It was just in time for us to see the first tower collapse.

The images of people trying outrun the plume of dust are seared into my brain, as are the endless sheets of paper floating through the air, gently landing on the ground.

Students wept around me. Our teacher wiped away tears.

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“This is going to start a war.” The man said, shaking his head. I later learned he was a Religious Studies teacher, sort of a rebel of the faculty; rough around the edges but espousing Bible script like it was nobody’s business. He stayed with us for the rest of the period, arms crossed and somber.

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My Best Friend’s Wedding

Kit and Jeff are married!

Marriage!

Vows!

Commitment!

Three things that usually send me into hives brought endless joy to my circle of friends on Saturday, September 5th when one of my best friends in the entire world tied the knot in an intimate, DIY, Pinterest-worthy wedding.

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The wedding was perfect but holy Hannah, it was hot. Like, a preview to my afterlife in Hell, hot (lounge chair for one by the pool, please, Satan!). It was 35C not including the humidity. For the Americans in the room that’s about 95F, with air so thick you could cut it like butter (yum, butter).

Every guest in attendance was in tears as they exchanged their vows under a beautiful tree in their backyard. Jeff was adorably emotional as he told Kit he knew she was the one, “when she used his favourite expletive on their first date at Montanas.”  She dropped the big see you next Tuesday on a first date. That’s my girl!

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We feasted on delicious food and drank ourselves silly (I blame the heat), not before guests played board games well into the night. Headbands after a few glasses of wine is my new favourite thing in the world. A late night Taco truck gave guests some much needed nosh to soak up the alcohol and send us to bed with full tummies.

I enjoyed every minute of Jeff and Kit’s big day. Even though I was stood up by my date (Damn you, Ben Affleck*) my mom was the perfect stand in.

Here are some pictures from the wedding!

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I hope the 2015 MTV Video Music Awards was a wake-up call for America

Only four more days until one of my best friends in the entire universe ties the knot!

I can’t wait.

For all y’all who are thinking, “Gee, she sure has a lot of best friends.” I’ll point to this picture of Taylor Swift at the VMA’s and I urge you to recant yourself.

LOS ANGELES, CA - AUGUST 30:  (L-R) Models Gigi Hadid, Martha Hunt, actress Hailee Steinfeld, model Cara Delevingne, actress Selena Gomez, musician Taylor Swift, model Serayah, actress Mariska Hargitay, models Lily Aldridge and Karlie Kloss attend the 2015 MTV Video Music Awards at Microsoft Theater on August 30, 2015 in Los Angeles, California.  (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

LOS ANGELES, CA – AUGUST 30: (L-R) Models Gigi Hadid, Martha Hunt, actress Hailee Steinfeld, model Cara Delevingne, actress Selena Gomez, musician Taylor Swift, model Serayah, actress Mariska Hargitay, models Lily Aldridge and Karlie Kloss attend the 2015 MTV Video Music Awards at Microsoft Theater on August 30, 2015 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Jason Merritt/Getty Images)

My speech is written, I’ve got Thursday and Friday off to help with wedding prep and then the big day will be upon us.

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If you’re at all interested in the DIY wedding of the year, follow the hashtag #WeddinBellsBeRingin for pictures!

So, ok. This post will be a jumble but let’s get down to it.

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