Girl Talk, Real Talk

Back from the long weekend, let’s get it poppin!

That was supposed to be motivational and slightly urban, but even as I read it I thought, “Libby, don’t even.”

Hope you all had a lovely long weekend! If where you live there wasn’t a long weekend, I hope you slacked extra hard yesterday in protest.

In Ontario we celebrated “Family Day” which sounds pleasant- not as dignified as Presidents Day but whatever, I’ll take it. I wish I could tell you that I did something exciting, but I spent most of my time off in bed with horrible headaches.

I’ve decided to give up Diet Pepsi, my beloved legal equivalent of meth/crack/coke/heroin after noticing my teeth are turning meth/crack/coke/heroin shades of yell-ew. Has anyone tried to kick this habit? Any suggestions? I’m drinking as much flavoured water as I can, but I feel like my head is going to explode 24/7.

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What else can we discuss…

The Bachelor:

I start out every Bachelor season promising to write reviews and then, well, life happens.  I’m completely obsessed with this season and the fact that everyone who would normally be a shoe-in for top spot is dropping like flies because they don’t want to live in East Jesus Nowhere, Iowa. This is the only season of the Bachelor where ‘winning’ would have to mean you’re legit in love with farmer Chris. I don’t know about you, but I’m not a believer in “You jump I jump, you farm I farm” type love.  I don’t think it’s fair for someone to give up their life, job, access to Starbucks to move across the country “for love.”  There’s bound to be some resentment in their future, no?

My money is on Whitney to be the last chick standing. She’s likeable, pretty, and has a real job (she makes babies, y’all!). Remember when Andi had a real job and she gave it up for love? Remember how well that worked out?

My thoughts on the next Bachelorette:

Probably boring Becca. Because ABC loves virgins. Not that I don’t love a good virgin (wait for the right person!) I just don’t like how the network can exploit someone’s choice as a bid to get viewers (re: Sean Lowe and his creepy lead up to his honeymoon).

What else is going on?

50 Shades of Grey came out which means nothing to me….

The Oscars are on Sunday which excites me but I know my faves won’t get the acclaim they deserve. Wild is the best movie of the year. OF ALL TIME! GIVE REESE AN AWARD! Walk the Line was blah. but Witherspoon kills it in this movie. I cried an ugly cry. For anyone who’s ever thought, “My life is shit because I’ve made bad choices” you’ll want to grab some Kleenex because this movie has all the feelings ever.

I’m currently reading The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. which I highly recommend for all women in their 20’s and 30’s. Ever wanted to be inside the mind of that narcissist you have a big bad crush on but just can’t seem to win over? Now you can. I can’t believe this book was written by a woman! I mean…women can do anything and yay pants, but for real, at some points it reads like a diary of a hot Jewish hipster.

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On a darker note, I had a tragic incident with my eyebrow a few weeks ago. While stuck in traffic I thought I could reshape my eyebrows using my fingers. I rip, rip, ripped and as one might expect, over pulled and was full chola on one side of my face. I freak out all the time about how my eyebrows are asymmetrical (I have a scar on one brow that gives them two different shapes, plus I’m pretty sure I’ve suffered small strokes but whatever), but this time I looked like Libby on the one side, and Juanita Christina Maria on the other.

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I made an emergency stop to Shoppers Drug Mart and purchased their last box of Rapid Brow, which is apparently going to fix my neurosis’ mistake but will not at all help my chemical imbalance that cased me to such drastic and violent extremes.

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The good news: I’ve stopped looking in mirrors

The bad news : The product takes 60 days to see effects

The better news: Eye brow pencil exists

Nuts right? This is worse than the time I tweezed my eyebrow off with nail clippers when I was ten. At least I was ten and people could be like , “Poor thing, she’s just trying to figure out womanhood.” I’m a grown ass woman with one eyebrow.

Ugh. If you see me try and guess which one. If you guess correctly I’ll run away in tears. What a fun game!

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