Where’d you go, Bernadette? My January Recap

I thought I’d do a life update, because for the most part I’ve been MIA from blogging. I used to bombard everyone with blogs at 10 am every.single.day. However my new job frowns upon spending work hours doing personal things, so I’ve had to save blogging for my lunch hour but I miss my blog friends! Who, will be real friends. YES YOU WILL . AND THEN WE WILL MEET IN PERSON AND I’LL WEAR A RED ROSE SO YOU KNOW WHO I AM. MUAHAHHAHA.

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*ahem*

Anyways.

The title of this post is from the book of the same name. I haven’t read it, but every time I’m looking for something or someone, I say “Where’d you go, Bernadette?” and nobody understands. Anyways. my life is sad.

OK!

So, life!

January was a blur. I started my new job, which actually uses things I studied in school, which makes me feel like a grown-up, which means I’ve actually gone out and bought wrinkle cream because I’ve noticed my skin is SHIT now that I’m an old hag.

I don’t mind the drive (it’s an hour and a half each way), but I had to get a new car because my little old car Beverly, wasn’t cutting it. Gas was a killer, she had no heat. Ugh. It was like putting a race horse down. I got a little e-mosh!

But then my friend who sold me my new gem said , “Look! Your new car is over there!” and I said, BYE FELICIA! and ran to my new baby, who I named Grace Kelly.

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Yes, it’s a Hyundai Elantra. Yes, that’s a chicks, car. But tough tits. I likes what I likes.

So, I get’s my grown-up car, but there’s that little nagging voice in me that says, “FOREVER YOUNG!” and asks Matt to take me to Medieval Times for a belated Christmas present. We paid extra to be front row. I made him buy me a $25 headpiece because, duh – I’m obsessed with Game of Thrones, and we spent the evening yelling at knights and having them break character. Seriously.

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All it takes is a, “BURN IN HELL, THIS IS TREASON” when it’s dead silent and you can see the actors look around like, “WTF is that chick’s problem.”

My problem is you’re a traitor, and that you can’t joust for shit.

On Jan. 22, the Manpanion and I celebrated two years together. One day I’ll tell the story of how we got together. It involves a break-up*, a trip to Australia, and a drunken phone call on my birthday. Long story short, we decided to go ice skating to celebrate. So, I swept my hair up in a pony, bought some leggings (which I hate) and strapped on some skates for an evening of romance and bruised tailbones.

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I hadn’t been on skates since I was 11. I used to skate competitively, and my mom was a professional coach, but when I hit puberty and my dad decided to date other women while he was married to my mom, I went through my “Eff-the-world, why am I developing birthing hips” phase and hung my skates up.  So, on our anniversary, I thought it would be easy to get my sea legs back and do a double lutz, but alas. I fell. I fell hard on my Kim K bum.

Other highlights:

-My school friends and I had a karaoke night and I sang Shania Twain to a bar full of cougars

– I spent a month’s worth of allocated “fun money” on NYX cosmetics which is my new addiction

– I went and played volleyball with my co-workers and had such bruised wrists, I looked like I spent an evening with a former host of CBC Radio Q (Google it)

Oh and last but not least…..

My cousin and I booked our trip to Paris and London!

That’s right! From May 1st to May 16 I’ll be taking this train wreck international!

If you have any ideas suggestions of where we should go, let me know!

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For my new real friends – follow me on Instagram for photos of my cat, niece, cat, cat, cat, niece and dog! minimal selfie guarantee @mselizabethr

Until next time,

xoxo

*This post was edited and is a reminder for me to check myself, before I wreck myself. My apologies to those who deserve them. You know who you are.

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8 comments

  1. YES WE WILL BE FRIENDS IN REAL LIFE. IT WILL HAPPEN.
    i think my mom has that car…and it feels totally lush inside. sweet luxury.
    and i have decided that when we become BFFs (it’ll happen)
    you’ll come to las vegas to visit me and we will see tournament of kings and wear overpriced headpieces (actually, lets make our own before!) and we will eat a turkey leg and potatoes with our bare hands while screaming at the actors.
    and OMG CONGRATS! you cute lil love birds…awwwww
    did you sing “man, i feel like a woman”? cause that song is kearaoke gold. (we’ll go karaoke-ing too when you visit me)
    NYX is my new obsession too! love their eyebrow gel and the 6 butter glosses that i have. and the 3 butter sticks…
    oh, and since we are going to be BFFs soon, you can just stuff me in your suitcase and take me with you. it’s settled then…when do we leave?

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    1. Whoa there’s a medieval times equivalent in Las Vegas?!? It must be super glam!!!

      I sang “if you’re not in it for love ” bc I felt like the crowd needed some sass. This old man sang all the words along with me. It was really weird but amazing.

      Yay you found me on insta!!!! Yaaaaaayyyy

      Liked by 1 person

      1. yes there is! it’s called the tournament of kings and my husband has been trying to get us to go for a while and i don’t know why we haven’t. i’ve heard its cool haha

        i bet it was weird…but i also agree that it was awesome that he sang along haha

        yay!! closer to being BBFs.

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  2. You wear the red rose, I shall be in the red scarf! ITS MEANT TO BE! The Europe trip sounds amazing! Paris is a delight! And I support your actions at medial times because he is a traitor! (I’ve never been to medieval times so I have no idea what your talking about but is okay!)

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  3. Glad to get an update! And Paris, so lovely, I’m hoping I’ll be able to use my passport somewhere besides Canada in the very near future (though Canada is super awesome!).

    Like

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