Look at all the f*cks I give : A polite rage

You know how some women, mostly celebrities but whatever, say that when they reach a certain age they’re just like, “f*ck it”?

I think 27 is my certain age.

I’ve noticed lately my tongue is a lot sharper, my voice doesn’t quiver when I’m speaking in front of a group of people, and I’ve stopped wearing eyeliner. All of which, are surefire signs that zero f*cks are given on a daily basis.

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Maybe I’m noticing it more because I’m around guys all day, everyday, but men are VERY quick to question women. I work with a great team of dudes, who try desperately to make me feel welcome, but I’ve noticed they don’t accept my answers as fact. If I say something, anything about my car, school or my relationship, there’s never a, “right on” or “good for you” that women so politely pepper into conversations. Instead, I get, “well did you think of….,” or “what about…” lots of “yeah but…” and my personal favourite, “But you have to think of it like this…”

Son, I don’t have to think of anything. If I wanted to, I could spend my entire day just thinking of what it would be like to live on an island with Bradley Cooper and the various ways I could use coconut milk as a personal lubricant.

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I remember once I watched the award-wining documentary “E! True Hollywood Story: Mary Kate and Ashley” and the girls gave the best piece of advice I’ve ever heard, “No is a full sentence.”

Let me just snowball that into “Everything I say is a full sentence…unless I start choking midway through a sentence, kindly help me and then let me finish my thought.”

I don’t do double-talk. I say what I mean. Which gets me into a lot of trouble, but who cares. The point I’m trying to make here, gentlemen, is that when I stop talking, that wasn’t an invitation for you to cross-examine me.

I watch Law & Order. I listened to Serial. I know how this shit works. I speak, then you speak. We stick to small talk, smile at the coffee machine and go about our business.

Is it just me?

Is it because my voice makes me sound like a fifteen year old boy?

I’m sure there’s a way I could parlay this into a damsel in distress manipulate the dudes to get what I want type deal, but that’s way too much effort and frankly, I think that would crush my soul and have Gloria Steinem knocking on my door to take away my feminist badge.

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5 comments

  1. I was drawn in by the Pocahontas gif – but I completely understand what you mean about guys not taking you at your word! Really great post, now I’m gonna spend the next few minutes… okay an hour, thinking about Bradley Cooper and that coconut milk… why have I not thought of this before?! Haha x

    Like

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