Current mood: Biting

You ever realize you have absolutely said too much?

Taken a joke too far?

Left the door from “inner thoughts” wide open so that you spit out words that run as fast as a woman kept locked in a basement as a hostage for 12 years seizing the moment and making a break for it without shoes on?

Yeah. That’s the kind of day, err… days I’ve been having.

Sometimes when I’m left alone (like I am at work) I become a neglected only child and get so excited to see people or talk to them I just spit up insults when I really mean to be funny.

Like, asking your Polish immigrant friend if by “car” he meant horse and buggy. Or asking someone who is trying to lose weight if they eat fruits and vegetables. Or, suggesting someone become the Bachelor Canada to work on his intimacy issues when really, you’re just a woman scorned.

Step 1

Open mouth

Step 2

Insert foot

Step 3

Take a shame shower and cry

“I’ve got a bad case of the 3:00 am guilts – you know, when you lie in bed awake and replay all those things you didn’t do right? Because, as we all know, nothing solves insomnia like a nice warm glass of regret, depression and self-loathing.”

– D. D. Barant



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