Two different cubicaves are playing Christmas music. Someone has a tree tied to their minivan in the parking lot. I can’t take it. I’ve put on headphones and shut my blinds at my desk just to block out as much holiday cheer as I possibly can.
I’m not a Grinch, by any means. ‘Tis the season for two of my favourite things: gluttony and commercialism. It’s also around this time of year that I get really, really depressed. More than usual.
By now there are people saying, “Everyone says their depressed but they’re actually not, as someone with depression you shouldn’t say things like that.”
To those people I say: Watch your mouth or I won’t go tradesies with you for my medication.
Real talk time:
I was diagnosed as depressed for the first time when I was fifteen, and it’s been a complicated roller coaster ride for the past twelve years. Thanks to therapy and of course, my me-no-loca pills, I’m doing a lot better. I can function, I crash sometimes and there are times where I stay in bed all day and can cry at the drop of a hat, but those days happen less and less (thankfully).
For me, my depression gets worse around my birthday (August) and Christmas. I get very existential, have a crisis about authenticity and integrity, take a personal inventory of my life and my actions, freak out on my loved ones and then shut down and stay in my pajamas… It’s pretty bad.
I probably sound crazy. Some of my friends probably have no clue because I try to hide my ugly cry for bathrooms and car rides home from work, but my poor boyfriend has already been warned that the X-Mas blues are on their way.
Maybe I’ll talk more about it, maybe I won’t but I just had to put it out there. If I get a little weird like a cat before a storm, now you’ll know why.
I’m trying hard to slow myself down and feel the feelings and let them go as much as I can, but December is a scary time of month for me.
What about you? I can’t be the only one. Are you feeling the holiday blues?
*I take the piss out of myself when it comes to my depression but it’s not a laughing matter. If you think you might be suffering from depression please visit your doctor to talk about your options! Hugs to you. It’s going to be ok, nugget.