Month: December 2014

Weekend Roundup: Take Back December Edition

December babies. They always get screwed over.  It’s impossible to upstage Jesus. Try. I dare you. Hanukkah tries, but then there’s the Christmas lights, and the Santa with the presents and it ends up being one big red and green mess.

My friend Mattie’s birthday is December 18th.  Something happens every year that throws a wrench in her birthday plans. Snow storms, holiday parties. This year we decided to take back December and go all out to celebrate all things Mattie!

The day started by checking into the hotel and getting my tranny make-up on point. I tried to contour my nose like BritBrit in the Women’s Health Mag. Anyways. Then while we waited for the rest of the girls to get ready I busted out my Mockingjay mug and sipped something for the over 19 crowd.

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We ate snacks, devoured an entire cheeseball (I’ve got to get that recipe and post it, it was deadly), and took our fair share of selfies in prep for the club.

Now, I’m not a clubbing person. I know it looks like I must go out a lot, but I don’t. I go out for birthdays and that’s about it. I’m usually in elastic waist pants of some kind, I rarely shave my legs (hey boys), and the bra is off the second I walk through my front door. I was stressing days before Mattie’s birthday because I had no clue what to wear, how to behave, how much perfume to put on… I’m just a complete club rookie.

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With the birthday babe

 

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Louise (left) Themla (right)

 

Case in point: I was ready six hours early. By the time it was dance dance time, I needed to reapply make-up for the third time.

Despite being out of my element, I had a great time celebrating Mattie. I could tell it meant a lot to her that her closest friends said, “No thanks, family, we need to celebrate Mattie today!” and got dolled up for a night dedicated to her. It makes the social awkwardness worth it when you can tell your friend is grateful.

After about an hour at the bar, Mattie saw Rebecca and I hanging on the sidelines watching Home Alone on the big screen and politely gave us permission to leave. We asked our shuttle driver to take us to McDonalds and spent the rest of the night in bed watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. If that’s what clubbing is about, I can definitely do clubbing!

Happy birthday, Mattie Lou! Love you xoxo

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When it’s your birthday – you wear colour. That’s the rule.

 

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Girl talk & tea : Let’s distract ourselves

I was going to do a Friday countdown, but then I decided “No, let’s just talk about girl things without structure.”

I feel good about this decision.

Ok, first of all.  I have to say, that the 16 year old in me is freaking out about Benji Madden & Cameron Diaz being engaged. Not only because I intensely dislike when people of mismatched heights hook up/date/marry/stand next to one another, but because it’s Benji Madden. Good f*cking Charlotte!

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Blah blah blah be happy for people in love yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. I don’t need to pretend here. This pairing makes no sense for 2014. 2003? Yes. 2014?  No. Ugh. What am I saying. I love when mismatchers get together. I love when people don’t understand love. I don’t get it, but I love that I don’t get it.

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Did you hear Selena Gomez lost her shit at T-Swift’s 25th birthday? I love it. I imagine she was drinking.

You’ve been this girl. I’ve been this girl. We’ve all been this girl. Sometimes I’m STILL this girl. *ahem* last Christmas. You’re out, celebrating with your friends, you get on your phone, see something on social media, have a little too much white wine and all of a sudden you’re crying in a bathroom. It happens. Shrug it off. You’re a young millionaire. You probably don’t have any STI’s yet, GO NUTS.

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What else…what else….

Britney’s Women’s Health Magazine!

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To be honest, I’m just glad it looks like Britney showered…on her own…without a nurse present. She looks the best I’ve seen her in years. That nose contouring? Flawless. I’m always envious because I feel like at certain times my nose looks like a penis, so I’m a huge fan of this look. (PS, If you’re ever bored and want to feel good about yourself, search #makeuptransformation or #beforeandafter on Instagram).

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I don’t want to talk shit about Brit, just because she’s a childhood staple, but I’m happy she’s looking coherent, lucid and healthy. Those hip tats, though. A reminder to us all that the tattoos we choose in our youth….are something we need to live with until we can afford to have them removed.

I used to go to the video store, rent Britney Spears concert DVD’s and do crunches in front of the television. Then things kind of went South for BritBrit and the whole time I kept thinking, “We will overcome! We will prevail!” and it’s taken…seven years but we finally did it! She’s back!

 

 

I forgot how much I loved this

Sometimes I forget the person I used to be. That can be taken a few different ways. Take it whichever way makes me sound the most profound, because really, all I’m talking about here is how much I used to love a certain band.

It’s true though. Every now and then I’ll come across CD’s, books, photos, items of clothing that I’ve held on to and have a moment where all of a sudden I think about how much I’ve changed. This concept seems obvious, of course I’ve changed. I’ve grown (not up, but I’ve grown). But like the ridiculous communications plans I’ve written, it’s not until I measure and evaluate my life that I realize how much has happened, how much I’ve given up (consciously or subconsciously) and how much I needed these touchstones of my former self.

Mumbo jumbo, hippie-dippy, feelings talk over.

I used to be OBSESSED with Jack’s Mannequin. If you’re like me and watched a shit ton of One Tree Hill, you know who I’m talking about.  Anyways, I came across a burned CD I made probably…oh… five or six years ago and listened on my way to work yesterday. It was all Jack’s Mannequin and I immediately felt this pang of nostalgia for my early twenties.


I went on a JM/Something Corporate/Andrew McMahon binge and have been feeling nostal-drunk ever since. I’m going to make a mental note to listen to more of my favourite bands of yesteryear, re-watch my favourite movies (Little Women, heyo Winona!) and reconnect to those little bits of joy.

What were some of your favourite songs/movies/books that remind you of your younger self?

I’m going to go put on a Volcom t-shirt, my vans and dickies and go kick it like I did when I was 21.

 

Piece of advice

To everyone and no one in particular:

You can worry about the meaning of life, about what you’re meant to do, who you’re meant to be, but that won’t stop the clock. Before you lose another night’s sleep, let me tell you this:

Live.
Just live.
Live, love, give. It’s simple. Too simple to seem true, but it is.

That’s the kicker. Somewhere, somehow we’ve been lead to believe the lie. The big lie. You know the one: That a quiet life, a simple life isn’t something to be proud of. That unless you’re famous, rich or an object of envy you’re somehow a failure.

Get angry at the lie. Welcome the disillusionment. Reclaim your happiness.

If that doesn’t work and you’re still freaked out and feeling unfulfilled I recommend Ativan. You get some good naps with Ativan.

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Less than Perfect

I’m a perfectionist. Which is hilarious because I’m incredibly flawed (aren’t we all).  I’m constantly messing up. Putting my foot in my mouth. Over-sharing. Beating myself up because I’m not meeting the standard I set for myself.

I’ve tried to be one of those people who ‘visualizes the future’ and sends out vibes to the universe to attract all these things, but the truth is, I’m paralyzed by fear of being less than perfect. I didn’t realize this until I heard a quote from David Foster Wallace on the subject of perfectionism.

“You know, the whole thing about perfectionism. The perfectionism is very dangerous. Because of course if your fidelity to perfectionism is too high, you never do anything. Because doing anything results in…it’s actually kind of tragic because you sacrifice how gorgeous and perfect it is in your head for what it really is. And there were a couple of years where I really struggled with that.”

– D. F. Wallace

I don’t know if I’ve ever read a truer statement.

I feel this way the older I get, that I’m disappointed in life (with myself mostly) because my expectations are so high, but I don’t attack life and live out dreams because again, I’m terrified of failure.

Anyways…that’s my little piece of wisdom for you today. If you’re looking for a Google deep dive, research Wallace. You will feel immediately understood, and then heartbroken because his talent is no longer with us.

This might be too heavy for a Monday. I have to do something to leave you feeling good…

Look, a puppy!

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We’ll always have Charming

The series finale of Sons of Anarchy aired last night. I did not watch. I will watch tonight alone in my room with the lights off….clutching something leather (or pleather)… weeping like an Italian widow.

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I’ve been on the SOA train since Day 1. I’m like the Piney. I’m obsessed/fascinated/emotionally invested in this show and am not really ready to believe it’s over, but I get that it’s important to know when to leave the party.There’s something to be said for a show leaving when it’s still at the top of it’s game. Some shows have gone on too long (hey, Greys Anatomy!) and others lose their luster and have endings that miss the mark entirely (LOST, Gilmore Girls etc).

Are there any shows you were particularly sad to say good-bye to?

Exam-a- rama: Don’t stress, babies. Keep cool.

If you stand near anyone in their late teens, early-twenties you can feel it – exam anxiety.

Right now, my Manpanion’s stressing hard about exams. His grades are great, he’s smart as a whip, but he’s spiraling into an endless abyss of caffeine. When he told me he wanted to go back to school, I was supportive. Who am I to rain on anyone’s parade? I didn’t anticipate the secondhand stress I’m feeling.

I know it’s my job to be supportive but I was never a cheerleader in high school. These things don’t come naturally to me! I get tongue tied and revert back to 90’s sitcom methods of encouragement:

*pat on the shoulder * Hey, don’t be sad. We’ve got Uncle Jesse and Joey here to help. It’s tough without your Mom, but you’ve got so many people that love you! DJ and Stephanie? They’re always going to be here for you. I love you. *music plays until commercial*

This makes Matt uncomfortable, but it’s the best I can do.

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Exam time was the worst.

During my second year at uni I decided exam time was the perfect time to get into the series LOST. I stayed up all night watching the second season and then took the bus to my exam. I had been up for 36 hours at that point. I’m not even sure if I wrote the correct exam. Needless to say, I barely passed but I learned a valuable lesson:  I’m a Sawyer girl, not a Jack girl.

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In all seriousness, I obviously couldn’t handle exam pressures that well. After I took my two year break from school, I was a medicated champ and could handle my anxiety a bit better. I would still get nervous, but at least I could focus, not wonder about font selection for textbooks and convince myself I could hear the digital clock ticking (those were dark times).

To all of you suffering from exam anxiety :

Hang in there, nuggets. It’s going to be OK. Don’t panic, relax, find a quiet space and focus on the task at hand. No matter what, you’re going to be fine. If you’re really panicking/not sleeping/having a hard time focusing, talk to a doctor. Your health ,including  your mental health, comes first. Prof’s can be surprisingly forgiving if you need help or  need to make special arrangements to write your exams.

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I was Christmas-sy! Weekend Roundup

I tried super hard this weekend to get in the X-mas spirit!

Friday: The day my eyes exploded 

D’you ever have those days were you’re just emotional for no reason? Like, the Fault in Our Stars level emotional? And no, it’s not because your Aunt from the Red River is expected to pay you a visit, for whatever reason you just cry at the drop of a hat? I was having one of those days. Matt encouraged me to just let it all out, so we watched Animal House on Netflix, which is a series about the no-kill North Shore Animal League rescue facility in New York. I watched about 7 episodes and let the tears fall. I was ugly crying. Then I was convinced I should quit my job and spend my life rescuing animals.Hmm… that would be a nice change of pace…..

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Saturday: Christmas baking! 

My friend Sarah and I decided to do some holiday baking. Out of the two of us, Sarah’s the Martha Stewart and I’m Martha’s cellmate. We decided to make chocolate chip cookies and some kind of festive almond cinnamon nut thinga-majigger.

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Pay no attention to the heater on my face!

We dressed up in fancy aprons and spent the afternoon in the kitchen. There was a weird part where we both wanted to eat cookie dough, but didn’t want to be the one who grubs it first. On our very last batch, we grabbed some raw goodness and sat on the floor in our glory. It was bliss. Is there anything better than raw cookie dough? Maybe freshly baked, slightly under-cooked cookies.

Sunday: KJ & Co. Christmas!

On Sunday evening KJ & Co, the events planning company I intern with hosted a holiday party for wedding industry professionals near and far. It was a fun night out with some yummy food and lots of stylish women wearing statement necklaces.

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I’m normally not very good when it comes to meeting new people. I tend to either be very outgoing or too shy, but last night was a nice mix of the two. I was confident enough to talk to new people and had a nice time chatting with all the stylish ladies.

Friday Five! Pop culture edition

TGIF.

Seriously. TGIF.

This week has been a doozy, but there are big changes coming my way, so I’m excited, a little stressed and a little panicky, but I’mma keep it together.

Ok, let’s share our favourite things, shall we?

1. Nightcrawler

Last night Matt and I watched Nightcrawler starring Jake Gyllenhaal.  Have you seen this movie? It’s creepy, but I’ll just say it, Jake’s half-up half down wide eyed obsessive self is still doing it for me. I’d still sign up for life for it. The boy’s gorgeous and talented. Some of my friends had mixed reviews of the movie, but I loved it.

We all know a Lou Bloom. I know one. You probably know one. Someone who’s kind of creepy and out of touch with reality, a little too ambitious and anti-social. Creeptastic.

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I highly recommend this movie. Four out of Five Libby’s.

2. Katy Perry & the Grammy’s.

Katy Perry needs a Grammy. Give the girl a Grammy, please. It was just announced Prism has been nominated for Pop Album of the Year against some pretty stiff competition (Ed Sheeran, Ariana Grande, Coldplay, Miley and Sam Smith).

Nobody does pop music like Katy. In my opinion, Teenage Dream was the ultimate pop album, but out of everyone nominated, Katy is the only person who really encapsulates all things pop.

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This photo shoot for Cosmo was one of my faves of all time. Slay with that green hair, girl. Slay!

 

Noticeably absent? Lady Gaga.

Poor Gaga. You’ll get ’em next year. Hopefully. Maybe.

3. Madonna for Versace

I love when brands make poor decisions. That sounds mean, but I just love when anyone makes a bad decision. It brings us all together in a communal pool of regret and humility. But really…

What the heck is going on in this photo?

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I get it, Madonna is Madonna and blah blah blah. I’m sorry, but not everything Madonna does is flawless. Like that picture. I sent it to my two best girls and asked them what the actual hell was going on.

One said it was the new promo poster for the Walking Dead.

The other said it was for the new Hobbit film : Smeagol’s Demise.

Does it even matter what Versace does anymore? Really, it’s a very small demographic of people that can afford Versace products aside from the eye glasses we get at the optometrist’s office. Wouldn’t it be better for celebs to front campaigns for stores like H&M, Aldo or ASOS? Lines people can actually afford?

Whatever, Versace. Whatever, Madge.

4. Wendy Williams

I’m one wig away from becoming Wendy Williams. I think she might be my biological mother. My sister always says I was adopted from New Guinea…maybe Wendy spent some time in New Guinea in 1987?

Who knows.

Do you watch Wendy? I like that she throws shade and is honest about celebrities. She dislikes the Kardashians and loves Mariah (ridiculous) but she’s got opinions and she ain’t afraid to share them!

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I love it. At work, I spend a lot of time doing data entry, so I like having something to listen to. I listen to Howard Stern interviews and Wendy Williams Hot Topics.

5. Patti Stanger

I’m not highbrow. I just said I love Wendy Williams. I’m one bucket of KFC away from a double wide and a fluorescent pair of crocs.

It’ll come as no surprise that  I love Millionaire Matchmaker. She’s feisty, she loves plastic surgery, and she loves giving unsolicited advice.

Sound like someone you know? Me. Minus the plastic surgery part (three more years, y’all).

Listen to this advice she gives J-Lo. “Don’t lead with the cooch” #priceless .
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(it’s long, but fun)

Oprah and Aslan

I’ve always maintained that to me, Oprah is the closest thing to a deity that I worship.

A lot of my friends laugh at me when I say this, but the truth is I’m like, 98% serious that she’s the closet thing I have to a mystic/prophet/teacher/spirit guide.

It just seems like she gives good hugs. When I hit rock bottom (I don’t know if I’ve hit it yet, but I’m sure it’s coming) I expect Oprah to magically appear, take the syringe filled with Diet Pepsi from my hands, lift me off of my throne made of garbage bags and give me a giant hug and whisper something about the order of the universe that will magically  make everything better.

I have a whole theology about celebrities that I carefully constructed one day during lecture in university (Religious Studies majors ftw!) but here’s proof Oprah might be godlike:

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Aslan, man. ASLAN.

For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, Aslan is a character from the Chronicles of Narnia, a series by Christian author C.S Lewis that was commonly believed to be based on Jesus.

I’m no expert but… I mean, this is some Illuminati type stuff.

I know I’m slightly crazy, but come on. In my mind this is all pieces of the universe puzzle falling into place.

*This is terrible photoshop