Chris Hemsworth named People’s Sexiest Man Alive

I hope you aren’t sitting on a slippery surface, like a leather chair or something. Put a towel under you because what I’m going to tell you is going to make you *woosh* slide right off of your seat.

Chris Hemsworth aka Thor aka 1/3 of the genetic trifecta that is the Hemsworth brothers, has been named by People Magazine as the Sexiest Man Alive.

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Via People

I will allow you five seconds of pleasure before I start dissecting this year’s choice.

 

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Chris Hemsworth shows off his ripped body as he chills by his hotel pool.

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OK. Let’s begin.

I stayed up until midnight last night to see the unveiling of this year’s SMA on Jimmy Kimmel. I’m sure none of you are surprised by this considering I live for this shit and have absolutely no concept of reality.

I’m just going to say it.

I think People Magazine missed the mark on this year’s choice. In fact, I think they’ve missed the mark for the past few years (re: Adam Levine, 2013) but at least their choices were having big highlight years for their careers.

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Whatever, bro.

Channing Tatum was People’s choice in 2012, which makes sense because Chay-Tay had a big year with Magic Mike, 21 Jump Street and the rom-com, The Vow. Even though Mighty Mouse isn’t my style, he had a big year in 2013 with The Voice. Did I miss something this year? Did Hemsworth have any movies out?

No disrespect to Hemsworth (there have been many a times I’ve closed my eyes and pretended I was an Asgardian princess in need of a large hammer) but 2014 was jam packed with men who had a big year: Chris Pratt, Jared Leto, Matthew McConaughey, Chris Evans, and my personal favourite, Ben Affleck. I thought the point of picking a Sexiest Man Alive every year was to showcase a man who had a BIG year?

Now, for some of you without lives like me, you may look at Hemsworth’s photo shoot for People and think, “Didn’t I already see a blond dude with Bon Jovi hair looking hot on a ranch?”

Yes. Yes you did.

Wonder-babe Charlie Hunnam posed for a similar (in my opinion sexier) shoot for Men’s Health Magazine.

Sweet Jesus. It’s like the beginning of a wonderful adult video:

EXT SHOT – A dusty ranch on a hot summer’s day. Two blond, genetically superior  men are working in a field, while a beautiful Pocahontas looking woman sits on her porch fanning herself drinking lemonade.

Hemsworth: Ma’m?

Libby: Yes?

Hemsworth: Me and my friend were just out plowing this here field and wondered if you might be so kind as to let us have some of that sweet tea you’re drinking?

Libby *freezes because things like this never happen in her life*

Hunnam: In exchange for your hospitality we were wondering if there’s anything you’d like us to plow?

Libby *Takes a photo and posts to Instagram so her friends believe her that this is actually happening*

*Consensual adult relations ensues*

God, I think I just wrote my first piece of fan fiction…and just discovered the plot for the next Fifty Shades of Grey!

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Ok, back to business.

Who’s your choice for this year’s Sexiest Man Alive?

Do you agree with People magazine?

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8 comments

    1. Ooooooohhhhh tom hardy so true!
      Is leo sexy? Or is he just like the long term boyfriend you have who kind of let’s himself go but you remember what he once was so you accept it

      Like

      1. Well, Leo was my first celebrity husband so it’s a “you jump, I jump” kind of thing. But he was on the cover of Esquire when Gatsby was coming out and oh man. He certainly aged gracefully. Then he grew that beard and all that hair. Eh.

        Like

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