Thorwin’ a hissy fit: J.Lo has a book and I don’t

I’m mad. Like, I’m right pissed off. Hold my earrings, someone’s going to get slapped.

Jennifer Lopez has a book. That’s right all you WordPress bloggers out there who are pouring your heart and soul into your work, writing whenever you can, keeping Word Docs a secret from everyone you love until the finished product is ready. J.Lo, has published a book.

I was wandering around Indigo the other night with my friend, Splendora (I have too many Marie’s), when we spotted J.Lo’s book, True Love.

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I picked it up and flipped through the pages, “How is it even possible that J.Lo wrote a book and I don’t have shit” (I’m so eloquent).

“She didn’t write that,” Splendora replied. “No way she wrote that book. That’s what ghostwriters are for. They tell someone the basics and then they pay someone to keep their name off the cover and let the celebs have all the spotlight.”

J.Lo’s book was mostly pictures and had glossy pages like the $10 magazines kept at the back of most drug stores because nobody in this economy has ten dollars to waste on advertisements that inevitably crush your self esteem…kind of the same way looking at a picture of J.Lo and realizing she’s forty-friggen-five years old will crush your self-esteem too.

She’s Benjamin Button. Seriously.

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I only read a few pages but let me tell you, Jennifer Lopez most definitely wrote that book. You know how I know? Because it’s terrible.  It’s like reading a long winded Instagram caption from a 14 year-old girl. It’s also like, 16 pt Arial bold font double spaced so, she’s stretching that bitch out like she’s got to meet a page minimum for her high school English class. Been there, J.Lo. Done that.

Have you read this book? Will you read J.Lo’s book?

Don’t you ever get pissed off when famous people crank out terrible life stories?

I wouldn’t even keep this book in my bathroom.

NEXT!

 

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4 comments

  1. Ugh I feel the same way. However, when I find that book at The Dollar Tree or Goodwill (probably in a few short weeks), I’ll pick it and think, “Eh…might as well read her story too.” Since I’ve read all the other pathetic life stories of celebrities such as Tori Spelling.

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  2. It sucks how easy famous people have it in terms of publishing a book. J.Lo has written a horrendous book, yes, but it will still somehow be a top seller. It’s infuriating.

    I’m finding that a lot more comedians are writing books (Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, Amy Poehler, Lena Dunham), which I think is great, but I would definitely never read someone like J.Lo’s book.

    Like

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