Monday October 14th is Thanksgiving Day here in Canada land. I’ve touched upon this briefly in the past but I am NOT someone who enjoys the holidays. Any holiday. Pick a holiday and I can usually be found locked in the bathroom having a full fledged panic attack (then I chase some Ativan with wine and I’m usually OK).
If you’re like me, your family is… how do you say…what’s the word..oh yes: dysfunctional. Wonderfully dysfunctional, but clinically insane nonetheless. My Italian side of the family has always centered around my Nani and Nonno during the holidays. Their house had a revolving door of aunts, uncles and friends popping in and out for food, drinks and merriment. After a few shots of whiskey, things would intensify. Someone would be yelling about something that happened in 1992, someone would fall down drunk, someone would start swearing in Italian, hands would be hitting the table while someone, usually an uncle, would storm out and vow to never come back again. IT WAS A BLAST! That was considered a successful holiday meal! I watched in delight, not feeling an ounce of anxiety.
If anything, it’s the absence of dysfunction that’s causing me to stress. Over the years the number of people at family dinners has dwindled. Plans aren’t made until the last minute and not everyone for personal reasons can stand to be in the same room as one another. I’d say for the past five years or so I’ve started dreading the holidays, wondering how many I have left with my grandparents (anticipatory grief for the win, yo!) and whether or not I’ll still see my family once they’re gone. This weekend I won’t even see my Dad or his side of the family and that shit’s causing me to binge cookie eat like there’s no tomorrow.
But Libby, I thought this was going to be a happy post? You brought us here under false pretenses! LIAR!
Ugh. Fine. You Ninny.
I have a lot in my life to be thankful for. The only reason I’m stressing so hard is because I know how lucky I am to have my grandparents (both sets) still with me. I just wish there was a way to freeze these moments and make them last forever! I feel so much pressure to make memories and cherish my time with not only my grandparents, but my nieces while they’re still little. It kills me that I can’t just live in the moment. It’s like taking so many pictures of a concert you forget to actually watch the concert. It’s just. like. that.
To bring myself out of my funk, I’ve decided to list what I’m thankful for:
1. My family and friends. The lines are so blurred I don’t know who’s a friend and who’s family anymore. My heart is a hoarder and they are my bags of garbage.
2. Special shout out to my nieces Abby and Lola for being the little angels that make me smile. I was not a baby person before they arrived. AT ALL. These two kick started my little Grinch sized heart and give the best cuddles.
3. My fur babies. Yep. They get special shout out too! Nothing better then having a serious conversation with your cat while she purrs on your chest. NOTHING!
4. My health – I sometimes treat this body like a garbage disposal but so far it’s held up to the wear and tear. Thank you little body. Thank you.
5. This blog! I’ve loved making new WordPress friends and for everyone who’s commented on, viewed or shared my writing. I appreciate your support and encouragement to keep blogging.