This week my confidence took a hit – a “You’ve sunk my battleship” size hit. It centered around writing this blog and even though I consider myself a candid person, I don’t want to divulge too much information about what happened. I’ve had a few days to think about everything that’s been said and transpired and I’ve come to the conclusion that with this blog, I’m just being myself.
I’m not blind. I know my writing style is unconventional and grammatically incorrect. I use language that straddles the line between what’s appropriate and what’s not. I’m not changing the world with my blog, not technically adding anything of value to the universe, but I do think that sometimes, there’s a very small chance that I can make someone laugh or smile and distract them from their everyday life. That’s what blogging is for me: one giant distraction from life. It’s a way for me to just write about whatever’s on my mind (It’s usually Gyllenhaal related) and put a little piece of myself out on the internet for people to read.
The women who I look up to are people who break down stereotypes and produce material that resonates with women: Mindy Kaling, Elaine Lui, Lena Dunham, and Chelsea Handler. They’re examples of women who to me, have maintained their sense of self despite their success. I aspire to be like these women by writing the way I speak, hopefully making people smile, and by being myself despite feeling constant pressure to be ‘better’ (better at everything, take your pick. I want to be better at it). I try to be as authentic as possible, which means yes, sometimes I embarrass myself -but I like to think that people are tired of seeing picture perfect lives portrayed on the internet. Comparison is the thief of joy. I wanted to make a blog that isn’t perfect, a little flawed, but one that people can relate to.
To everyone who blogs: Kudos to you. It takes guts to publish something personal online. I’m constantly reading blogs and gaining inspiration from all of you. I try to comment as much as I can because I know how much courage it takes to say, “This is what’s close to my heart , this is what’s on my mind, this is who I am.” By being vulnerable, we’re actually building meaningful connections with each other, even if we’re only communicating online.
After the craziness and the drama of this week, I’m ready to get back to blogging about whatever the heck I want. Blogging makes me happy. Deal with it.