Month: September 2014

George & Amal : Wedding bells that send commitment-phobes everywhere looking for a new hero

I used to call this section: Pop culture crap I would normally text my friends about, but I’m revamping the title to mix it up.

Yes, George Clooney is a married man. While I would normally go ape over crap like this, I’m just not feeling the same secondhand high I would normally get from a celebrity wedding!

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Source: Just Jared

Look, I love George. He’s hella handsome and part of me likes the fact that whenever I look at him I imagine him close mouthed kissing me like an old timey Hollywood film star. I’m really happy that he married someone who looks like she can give him a run for his money and put him in place. If you’re like me and watch too many romantic comedies you’ll know what I mean when I say she’s the exception to the rule (He’s Just Not That Into You). George swore up and down he’d never get married again. Then bam! Here comes a woman with hair that could rival Kate Middleton and he puts a ring on it. If you listen quietly you can hear women stuck in unhealthy relationships with commitment-phobes thinking,”If Clooney married, he’ll marry me!”

Wrong.

To those ladies I say, “Move on. You ain’t Amal.”

George and Amal look like they’re just a couple of normal, rich, incredibly good looking people. I’m sure neither one of them have a mental illness or burgeoning drug problem, therefore I just look at their cover of People magazine and think, “Nice” and continue looking for more info on Amanda Bynes’ DUI.

Congrats, George and Amal. I wish you an infinite amount of photo-ops where your good looks and love can shine as bright as the sun!

Ladies and Gents,

In case you’re looking for a new commitment-phobe idol here are some new heroes for you to consider

Cameron Diaz

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Cammy doesn’t want to marry or have babies! She’s dated some of Hollywood’s hottest men. She’s officially my pick as the next Clooney.

John Stamos

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Have mercy! I think women (and men) everywhere harbor a secret desire to be near this Greek god- even if it is a little creepy he likes Disney Land so much.

Leonardo DiCaprio  

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When Leo meets his Amal, it’s going to be GAME OVER! Until then, he’ll keep dating every blonde Victorias Secret model in sight

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Friday Favourites

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens….

These are a few of my favourite thiiiiiiiings!

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Happy Friday, Frans! Hope you all had a stress-free week.

Here’s some of the things I’m loving this week!

Beth Ostrosky Stern

I listen to Howard Stern interviews all day long, and I’m always hearing him talk about how much he loves his wife, Beth. At first glance, I thought “Gold digger trophy wife,” but no, no friends. This woman is so much more!

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Source: TailsInc

Beth is an advocate for the North Shore Animal League in NY and fosters kittens who otherwise would be euthanized because of overcrowding. Check out Beth’s Twitter and Instagram for photos of the animals Beth cares for. My Insta feed is filled with adorable photos of kittens because of her, and I’m making her my new favourite person on the entire planet.

Yay, Beth!

The Order of the Good Death/Caitlin Doughty

My cousin, Laura, introduced me to Caitlin Doughty. Doughty works as a mortician and curates a blog aimed at changing the way western culture perceives death. She’s created a vlog series called Ask a Mortician that’s both entertaining and enlightening.

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source: Twitter

Since I’m a little bit morbid (and I know you are too, that’s why we’re friends) I marathoned her entire YouTube page and am HOOKED!

If I weren’t so bad at science (btw, who actually likes chemistry – you freaks) I’d consider..maybe.. possibly… actually no. I’m not cut out for the funeral industry. Ever since I saw My Girl I’ve just decided “thanks but no thanks, see you when I kick-it.”

Check out her page and YouTube channel, meow!

Yeah, that’s about it for me this week. I have nothing new that I like enough to share with you. No make-up, no clothes… I’m a bit boring this week….I’ll try harder next week. I promise.

Enjoy your weekend. Stay safe. Don’t drink and drive. Drink and text instead. Everyone enjoys that.

Bachelor Canada S2 Ep 2 – Ballerinas Be Crazy

Last night the Bachelor Canada was only an hour long, but boy oh boy, did they cram a bunch of crazy into sixty minutes!

The night kicked off with Timbo choosing Kaylynn aka Black Swan for the first date.

Their date began with a helicopter ride to the top of Grouse mountain in Vancouver. Kaylynn gave Meg Ryan a run for her money by basically having an orgasm in the helicopter. I haven’t heard that many ‘Oh God’s’ since my First Holy Communion. Part two of their date (a sort of shitty date if you ask me) was dinner, during which Black Swan regaled Timbo with tales of her childhood trauma and how she was raised over the phone by her mother while she was at boarding school.

This lack of healthy attachment is important to remember because Black Swan goes ape later in the episode.

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Timbo, who’s obviously never seen Fatal Attraction, Misery or Swimfan, gives Kaylynn a rose. 

Date Two:

GROUP DATE!

Timbo selected 10 women to go dragon boat racing…in the pouring rain. This is when you know those girls are in it to win it, because if it were me, I’d be waiting in the van to go back to the house because there’s no way I’d be getting my hair wet.

Lead by the Vagician (April) and her voodoo mama juju magic, Jenny, Martha, Rilegh and Trisha win the race and are taken to what looks like the Mandarin or a Mulan theme park for a private after party. The girls are dressed as extras in Memoirs of A Geisha and spend the next few hours vying for Timbo’s attention.

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Rileigh, aka Chili’s (the waitress and philosophy student) tries to cut ahead of the pack and get down to the nitty gritty by telling Timbo she wants him to “cut the shit” and be himself.

If she had been holding a cigarette, ripping darts with a Tim Horton’s coffee cup in her hand, I would have sworn that conversation was taking place in a Timmies parking lot. Real classy, Chili’s. 

Timbo gives the group date rose to Trisha aka Miss Grand Supreme because he finds her “interesting.” Translation: he wants to sleep with her.

Date Three!

Timbo rolls up to the mansion where the ladies are staying, surprising them all in their pajamas.

Silly, Tim. That’s the fastest way to get cut by a bitch. 

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With help from the good people at Rimmel, Natalie (Kate Middleton), Christine (Little Streisand), April B (not the vagician)  and Sonia (Stacey’s Mom) get dolled up for a photo shoot with Tim.

I’m guessing the photoshoot was for…sex? I have no clue what they were trying to sell. All I know is that just by standing next to Stacey’s Mom, Timbo decides they have nothing in common and breaks up with her. Cue the the commercials for Summer’s Eve, because that was a real douche move. You can’t send the token cougar home without even talking to her!

Ageist, punk.

Anyways…

Timbo chooses the aloof April B to go make-out   get to know each other. For the next five minutes they avoided eye contact and drank wine, which is basically how most of my dates went before I met my boyfriend. TImbo managed to string a full sentence together and gives April B a rose.

Sweet Jesu Mio! The Cocktail party!

Before Black Swan goes off her rocker, there’s a beautiful shot of Kaylynn walking up to the bartender and saying, “Um… I’ll take a glass of white!”

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I think I wet my pants a little in anticipation. Drink up, buttercup! Scandal ain’t on for another twenty minutes and I need some drama!

Martha, the beautiful and feisty Latina get’s shut down by Timbo when she tries to steal him away from Little Streisand. Feeling a bit miffed, Martha carries on with her night like a champ, until she runs into Kaylynn/Black Swan freaking out about how Tim hasn’t tried to talk to her yet.

Ok. This is Bachelor/Bachelorette etiquette 101. If you have a rose, you sit your chosen ass down on the couch and you let everyone else get some QT with the bachelor/bachelorette. Seriously, this is something we learned from Alex Michel back in 2002.

Obviously the boarding school Kaylynn went to didn’t have a television or a psych evaluation, because she spends the rest of the evening in tears whenever Tim has time with the other women.

CUT TO….. the rose ceremony.

Black Swan, Trisha/Grand Supreme, and April B. already have roses.

Timbo gives roses too….

1. The Vagician

2. Seashell, who was quiet/normal for the entire episode

3. Martha, who says reminds us just how Hispanic she is by saying ‘gracias’

4. Dominique (Not a standout, but she was wearing a bolero jacket which clearly means she’s living in 1993)

5. Lisa/Twilight

6. Rileigh/Chili’s

7.  Jenny

The last rose goes to Natalie/Kate Middleton who says, “Don’t you ever do that to me again!”

Bitch, please. It’s a TV show. Calm the eff down.

During the final shot where everyone’s toasting to celebrate receiving a rose, Kaylynn starts hyperventilating and doing the ugly cry. She blames Martha for making her feel stupid for being so emotional (about what I have no idea). Seeing Kaylynn in full meltdown mode, Timbo steps in to have a few moments alone with the hysterical ballerina.

“I don’t want you to think I’m crazy!” Kaylynn cries.

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Any man in his right mind would have been running for the Rockies. Tim, once again demonstrating his inability to detect danger says, “I don’t, don’t worry!”

If I were there, I would have slipped Black Swan an Ativan and tucked her in for a night-night. By “Tuck” I mean put her in restraints, locked her in her room and thrown away the key.

Next week the crew heads to Cabo where we can see Timbo smolder on a beach.

Did you watch this week’s episodes?

Did you think everyone was crazy, too?

More pop culture crap I would normally text my friends about

Congratulations! You’re my new best friend.

This means not only are we going to tell each other secrets and eat Malteasers, we’re going to spend hours on end discussing random pop culture and celebrity junk!

Woohoo!

This is where half of you stop reading. K, bye. Be like that!

For the rest of you, my kindred spirits, here’s what’s new for us to discuss.

Hilary Duff

Where to begin. Oh, Hilary. No lie, I’ve downloaded Hilary’s new song “All About You” and it’s pretty catchy. Radio worthy? I don’t think so. Part of  me feels like Hilary should quit music and acting all together and maybe come out with a home collection for Target and just be beautiful full time. Because she is. She’s stunning. I just have second hand embarrassment when I see her dancing. Check out her new music video below and tell me what you think.

The Duggars

I f*cking love the Duggar family. I marathon that shit on Mondays and Tuesdays and TLC and do kegels whenever Michelle Duggar comes on screen. Even though our political and religious views are very different, I find their show entertaining. This new wave of Duggar courtships has been my guilty pleasure. Side hugs! Waiting to hold hands until engagement! No kissing until marriage! Chaperons at all times!

It’s a little much in my opinion, but at the end of the day these girls wind up with the sweetest guys who look at them like they’re the best thing since BB cream. Who am I to judge?

I can’t wait to pick up this edition of US weekly and learn more about these dating rules. Do you watch? Do you judge? Do you see if you can memorize all of their names? Do you ever wonder if one of them will high-tail it to Reno and live a life that would make their parents appalled?

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Source: US Weekly

Now for your daily swoon….

Jake Gyllenhaal filming his new movie at JFK airport in NYC.

It’s like he’s eye f*cking the paparazzo…which is A-OK in my books. I love Jake because he doesn’t give typical actor sound bites. He’s not douche-y and pretentious the way some people (Jared Leto) are. He’s just the guy you want to go to a farmers market with and then go spend an afternoon at a bookstore. Then he’ll cook you dinner and before you know it you’re making … sweet….sweet… passionate… look you in the eye…. bend you over the counter…..

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Source: Lainey Gossip

I’m sorry. What were we talking about?

Dumb Shit You Say When You’re 20

Oh, Meghan Trainor. So talented and yet so very young. Very, very, very young.

Trainor burst onto the scene with her debut single, “All About That Bass” a body love anthem that’s also incredibly catchy.

A young woman with a positive message? Huzzah!

My celebration was short lived because Trainor recently told Billboard magazine, “I don’t consider myself a feminist, but I’m down for my first opportunity to say something to the world to be so meaningful”

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Er… Ok.

I get it. Trainor’s young and new to the world of interviews and talk shows. I won’t hold this against her. I said a lot of dumb shit when I was twenty-years old. Trainor’s remarks are indicative of a greater problem: the lack of education for women and men of gender inequality and women’s issues.

Why are women especially young women, fearful of the feminist label? Is it really due to the stereotypical and antiquated idea of a feminist being an angry, man-hating woman who doesn’t shave her armpits?

Let’s review:

Feminism (noun) the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men.

It’s that simple.

I’m a feminist.

Are you?

Boys Don’t Like Funny Girls

For my Social Media class, blogging is worth a whopping 50% of my grade.

Unfortunately for me, I was unable to use Honestly Libby since it’s not brand spankin’ new.

So… I present to you….

Boys Don’t Like Funny Girls! Click here to visit

Taken from the Mrs. Kim classic line from Gilmore Girls, this blog will basically be EXACTLY like this one. Please feel free to check it out.

Warning: I’ve been asked to keep the sass to a minimum, so there will be zero cuss words and I’ll keep my appropriateness in check. I’ll be like a handsy uncle instead of the drunk cougar I usually am.

I’ll be splitting my time (re: double posting) between the two blogs, so please – don’t get too sick of me if you see me in your newsfeed. I apologize. I’m just trying to get a good grade so I can graduate, and make an honest living instead of having to sell my body so I can put food on the table for my two kids…my two sick kids…with limps and adorable coughs.

Thank you, I love you. Goodnight.

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Weekend Roundup

They say time flies when you’re having fun.

That’s complete horse puckeyI  Time just flies. This weekend I came down with a stomach bug and it feels like I blinked and the weekend was over!

Friday

I ran out of work on Friday like the building was on fire. I was so excited to spend some QT with the manpanion and was unbelievably happy when I walked through the door to dinner already made (grilled veg and tofu!). Matt put up with about two hours of Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta, then we ate Skinny Cow Ice Cream Cones and relaxed.

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Cut to two hours later and it starts. The sweats, the nausea, the rumblings in the tum.

Matt was concerned and so sweet asking, “What do you need! What can I get you?”

My last wish? “Outlander. I need to see Outlander!”

Ok. Ok Ok. Ok. Let me compose myself and try to be coherent.

Outlander is the effin’ greatest thing I’ve ever seen. I watched three episodes in a row despite feeling like I was dying of dysentery. I need more of this show in my life. WE ALL NEED MORE OF THIS SHOW IN OUR LIVES!

If you aren’t familiar with the series, Outlander is about a British woman named Claire on her second honeymoon with her husband after the end of WWII. During their trip she time travels to 1743 Scotland and meets the handsome and oh so swoon-worthy Jamie. You can already tell Claire’s got a lady tingle for Jamie, but she’s desperate to get home. The show is based on the series by Diana Gabaldon (I haven’t read but now i’m curious).

Time travel? Good.

Sexy Highlander man in a kilt? Good

Romance? Gooooooooood.

This show is amazing.  You NEED to check it out. You’ll want to dig out your high school kilt from your closet and ask your boyfriend to role play and call you Sassenach. It’s THAT good.

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Saturday

I spent Saturday in the fetal position reading books and falling in and out of consciousness. Damn stomach bug!  Nothing to report here. It was 24 hours of sleeping.

Sunday

I was going mad! Cabin fever is real y’all. I decided to put on my big girl pants and head out to Brantford to visit my friend Andrea and check out the Psychic Expo. I have mixed feelings about psychics but I was up for some fun and visited Kalliope, a 5th generation seer!

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Home girl was accurate about a lot of stuff. I keep my mouth shut and make them work for it, but I was impressed with her reading. Kali said and I quote, “I see movies and magazines…”

Umm that’s because those are my two favourite things of all time?

Long story short I didn’t find out things like what age I’ll be married, how many kids I’ll have or what ailment will finally do me in. But I was told to be careful of pregnancy scares, to take a trip with my manpanion and start submitting my writing for publication.

All that within 15 minutes? That’s decent.

I’ve never been to a psychic expo before and – no judgement – but that’s one kind of crazy I don’t think I’ll participate in again. I love me some witchcraft, but you meet some interesting folk hanging around a psychic expo. Andrea and I were approached by a skinny young bloke who asked us if we found what we were looking for (I’m guessing in a fulfillment sense?) he seemed nice enough and harmless, 120 lbs soaking wet, I could probably put up a good fight if necessary so I decided to surrender to his brand of crazy and engage in conversation.

When Andrea went for her reading, it was just me and the stranger I’ll call, Isaiah. Isaiah said he could guess my sign by asking four questions. Sonofabitch was FAIRLY close, guessing I was an Aries when I’m really a Leo. He then proceeded to tell me about dream sharing, how he can guess when someone was born by their body type and the importance of crystals. He then excused himself to go read silently by the river.

I’m almost 90% sure he was a ghost, so I consider the expo a complete success.

Did you get up to anything fun this weekend?

Let me know!

Friendship! Franship!

Let’s be friends officially. Well, as official as we can get without being in the same city.

Here’s my Twitter y’all.

@mselizabethr 

I want to read your play by plays of the Bachelor, the random things your friend said that made you giggle, and hear you b*tch about the mean lady at the grocery store who cut you off with her motorized scooter.

Follow and I’ll follow back! See you in the Twitterverse, frans.

This has absolutely nothing to do with friendship, but here’s some John Stamos before you begin your weekend.

John-Stamos

Friday Favourites

Ah, the sweet release of death   Fridays.

Hopefully your week went by quickly and you have some fun weekend activities planned. Something super trendy, like apple picking or book store browsing with a pumpkin spice latte.

Here are a few things I’ve been loving this week!

Lose It! App

I’m the laziest person you’ll ever meet. I’m trying to incorporate exercise into my life but I mean…I like cheese a lot. A girlfriend of mine told me about this app that helps you track calories and since I’m in the market to drop a few lbs, I jumped on the bandwagon. So far I’m liking this app more than My Fitness Pal, but a little less than Weight Watchers. I like thinking anything green is 0 points. Lettuce? zero points. Broccoli? Zero Points. Skittles? Zero points.

Vicks Vaporub

Real talk time.

As a teenager, I never had acne. As a 27 year old? Breakouts galore! My Italian grandmother told me this was my hormones punishing me for not being pregnant, and I’m starting to think the crazy old bird is right. I’ve tried everything for those stubborn, under the skin cystic zits so I took to the oracle for answers!

Pinterest.

Pinterest told me to put Vicks Vaporub on my zit to help raise the cyst. By Golly, it worked. Only now I have a huge heater in the middle of my eyebrows and have had friends quoting Third Eye Blind lyrics to me.

PS – If you have any tips for breakouts that doesn’t involve ProActiv or Accutane, lemme know.

Stella & Dot

Krista, my mentor/boss/friend, held a Stella & Dot Trunk show this week and I had to resist the urge to buy everything! I’m a little bit of a shopaholic but I kept it together, only buying this engravable charm necklace.

Classic, trendy. Super cute. Definitely going to get a ton of wears out of this baby.

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source: Stella & Dot

 Big Eyes movie trailer 

Amy Adams needs an Oscar. Christoph Waltz has two Oscars. Maybe Adams’ proximity to Waltz in Big Eyes will get her an Oscar.

Check out this trailer. I need to see this movie!

 L’Oreal Total Repair Hair Mask

My hair is fried. Totally fried. I once had a hair stylist tell me I have the worst hair she’s ever seen.

BUT NOT ANYMORE!

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Source: WekenShop

I bought this mask for $3.99 at PharmaPlus and I’m giving this a full stamp of approval. I took a hot bath washed my hair, and let this mask sit for way longer than they recommended (see above and the Worst Hair Ever title). My hair was hair commercial worthy the next day. I’ve got a long way to go before my hair is back in tip top shape, but I definitely recommend this mask to people with hair colour bipolar disorder like me.